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"I noticed that there are no B batteries. I think that's to avoid confusion, cause if there were you wouldn't know if someone was stuttering. 'Yes, hello I'd like some b-batteries.' 'What kind?' 'B-batteries.' 'What kind?' 'B-batteries!' and D-batteries that's hard for foreigners. 'Yes, I would like de batteries.'"
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"We are all ready to be savage in some cause. The difference between a good man and a bad one is the choice of the cause."
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Personal Development
"Before the effect one believes in different causes than one does after the effect."
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Personal Development
"I wanted to cause trouble, but I know now it stays with you."
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Personal Development
"The vote, cast in a free atmosphere and with all inclinations and parties at present, was after all a vote to the Islamic Republic, to national independence, to the Constitution and to the Islamic causes."
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Personal Development
"When it comes to the cause of justice, I take no prisoners and I don't believe in compromise."
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Personal Development
"The intellectuals' chief cause of anguish are one another's works."
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Personal Development
"Some situations you cause yourself."
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Personal Development
"Strong and bitter words indicate a weak cause."
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Personal Development
"Those who wish to cause religious conflict are small in number but often manage to dominate the headline."
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Personal Development
"It is a blessing to die for a cause, because you can so easily die for nothing."
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Personal Development
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"I love women, but I feel like you can't trust some of them. Some of them are liars, you know? Like I was in the park and I met this girl, she was cute and she had a dog. And I went up to her, we started talking. She told me her dog's name. Then I said, 'Does he bite?' She said, 'No.' And I said, 'Oh yeah? Then how does he eat?' Liar."
Love
"I noticed that there are no B batteries. I think that's to avoid confusion, cause if there were you wouldn't know if someone was stuttering. 'Yes, hello I'd like some b-batteries.' 'What kind?' 'B-batteries.' 'What kind?' 'B-batteries!' and D-batteries that's hard for foreigners. 'Yes, I would like de batteries.'"
Cause
"I like fruit baskets because it gives you the ability to mail someone a piece of fruit without appearing insane. Like, if someone just mailed you an apple you'd be like, 'huh? What the hell is this?' But if it's in a fruit basket you're like, 'this is nice!'"
Ability
"I keep a lighter in my back pocket all the time. I'm not a smoker, I just really like certain songs."
Time
"People and squirrels are very different. Most people will not argue that. But I find that there is one situation in which they're very similar. And that is: when I am driving towards them in my car. Then they're kind of hard to tell apart - especially if the human is kind of hairy."
Car
"Saying, 'I'm sorry' is the same as saying, ' I apologize.' Except at a funeral."
Saying
"I wrapped my Christmas presents early this year, but I used the wrong paper. See, the paper I used said 'Happy Birthday' on it. I didn't want to waste it so I just wrote 'Jesus' on it."
Birthday
"The digital camera is a great invention because it allows us to reminisce. Instantly."
Invention
"I used to play sports. Then I realized you can buy trophies. Now I am good at everything."
Sports
"If I ever saw an amputee getting hanged, I'd probably just start calling out letters."
Letters
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