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Steven Wright

"I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.'"

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"I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.'"

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Steven Wright
"I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving."

Car

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Steven Wright
"My friend has a baby. I'm recording all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant."

Friendship

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Steven Wright
"I bought some instant water one time but I didn't know what to add to it."

Time

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Steven Wright
"The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing."

Now

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Steven Wright
"I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went to the funeral in one car."

Car

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Steven Wright
"A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths."

People

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Steven Wright
"There was a power outage at a department store yesterday. Twenty people were trapped on the escalators."

Power

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Steven Wright
"Ever notice how irons have a setting for permanent press? I don't get it."

Press

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Steven Wright
"I was a peripheral visionary. I could see the future, but only way off to the side."

Future

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Steven Wright
"I wrote a few children's books... not on purpose."

Purpose

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Aberjhani

"In 1993 my birthday present was a star on Hollywood's Walk of Fame."

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Personal Development

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Aberjhani

"I'm most comfortable in my birthday suit."

Author Name

Personal Development

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Aberjhani

"I cried on my 18th birthday. I thought 17 was such a nice age. You're young enough to get away with things, but you're old enough, too."

Author Name

Personal Development

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Aberjhani

"On my birthday, I was in Milan for the collections."

Author Name

Personal Development

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Aberjhani

"I have had fans make me the big picture collages of the photo books; I have had fans send me birthday cakes... sing to me on my voicemail. I have had fans flash me. I have had older fans give me their bras and underwear onstage."

Author Name

Personal Development

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Aberjhani

"Success is like reaching an important birthday and finding you're exactly the same."

Author Name

Personal Development

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Aberjhani

"I had a birthday one night on a farm we were shooting on. I walked into the tent, and there were 150 people waiting for me, all wearing masks of my face."

Author Name

Personal Development

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Aberjhani

"Well, I started conducting kind of by accident. I wanted to give myself a special birthday present for my fortieth birthday, and I was living in San Francisco at the time and I started attending some of the concerts and then simply dropping hints."

Author Name

Personal Development

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Aberjhani

"With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me."

Author Name

Personal Development

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Aberjhani

"I binge when I'm happy. When everything is going really well, every day is like I'm at a birthday party."

Author Name

Personal Development

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