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"Real comedy is not when you laugh at an idiot, it's when the idiot laughs at you."
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"Fool me once, shame on youfool me twice, shame on mefool me thrice, I'm gonna get the frying pan!"
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Personal Development

"As a comedian, the more you commit the sin of stupidity, three essential things happen to your life:~people applaud you incessantly.~love you more than their parents.~give you a daily bread."
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Personal Development

"My religion consists of laughing at myself. My motto is this: As long as there is a me, there is a reason to laugh out loud!"
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Personal Development

"Well, that depends, I suppose. I heard someone once say that men dance the same way they have sex. So, if you want everyone here to think you're the kind of guy who just sits around and-" He stood up. "Let's dance."
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Personal Development

"Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual."
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Personal Development

"Could you hold the chainsaw a bit closer to your mouth, please?"
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Personal Development

"Unless you stop him. Perhaps next we meet.""You'll be just as annoying?" I guessed.He fixed my with those warm brown eyes. "Or perhaps you could bring me up to speed on those modern courtship rituals."I sat there stunned until he gave me a glimpse of a smile-just enough to let me know he was teasing. Then he disappeared."Oh, very funny!" I yelled."
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Personal Development

"Papa, potatoes, poultry, prunes and prism, are all very good words for the lips."
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Personal Development

"Laughter is carbonated holiness."
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Personal Development

"Well, I said, "you obviously have some power. You chased off those hooligans with rotten fruit. Perhaps you have banana-kinesis? Or you can control garbage? I once knew a Roman goddess, Cloacina, who presided over the city's sewer system. Perhaps you're related? Meg pouted. I got the impression I might have said something wrong, though I couldn't imagine what."
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"Culture has little to do with how refined a man's intellect is, it rather depends on the refinement of his emotions."
Society

"Being and not being are not two different realities, but two different aspects of the same reality."
Philosophy

"The problem with human race is not that it errs, but that it does so repetitively."
Philosophy

"Innocence is the most intelligent admission of stupidity."
Philosophy

"Falsehood of a good man is better than truth of a bad one."
Ethics

"We know the value of a blessing when we don't have it. But we only know the value of knowledge when we have enough of it."
Wisdom

"Man is meant for good but designed for evil."
Philosophy

"The most brutal avenger on earth is a reality you ignored, however minor."
Reality

"Man is weak. Purpose makes him strong."
Motivation

"The fate of man does not chase him as much as he chases his fate."
Philosophy
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