"I do love America. And LA is a very short commute to America its like half an hour on the plane."

Irony, Culture, Identity, Perspective

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"I do love America. And LA is a very short commute to America its like half an hour on the plane."

Exlpore more Irony quotes

"If you see this guy drowning, do not stop him, it might be Peter trying to walk on water reaching Christ."

Alin Sav, Romanian Author

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"Look innocent. Have hope. "Okay. "And remember "What? "Even O.J. Simpson was acquitted."

Kenneth Eade, American Author

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"If warm air rises, Heaven could be hotter than Hell."

Steven Wright, American Comedian

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"I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize."

Steven Wright, American Comedian

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"And it never even occurs to them their certainty that they are different is what makes them the same."

David Foster Wallace, American Writer

Irony, Identity, Arrogance, Self

"I am the most pious person in the room. Even though I have no pie - I have pizza, and what can be more virtuous than eating all by yourself?"

Will Advise, Bulgarian Author

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"Parents drinking is the reason you came into the world, and if we didn't keep doing it then, by God, it would be the reason you went back out of it."

Caitlin Moran, British Journalist

Irony, Family, Alcohol, Reality

"Certainly it constitutes bad news when the people who agree with you are buggier than batshit."

Philip K. Dick, American Writer

Irony, Madness, Truth, Agreement, Perception

"Irony, we want our handwriting to look like typed fonts, and our computer fonts to look like handwritten text."

Vikrmn, Indian Author

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"It is only because of their stupidity that they are able to be so sure of themselves."

Franz Kafka, Austrian Novelist

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Explore more quotes by Craig Ferguson

"Allowances can always be made for your friends to disagree with you. Disagreement, vehement disagreement, is healthy. Debate is impossible without it. Evil does not question itself, only hope questions itself. Even the incorruptible are corruptible if they cannot accept the possibility of being mistaken. Infallibility is a sin in any man. All laws can be broken and are. Often. Like when a bumblebee flies or an ancient regime is toppled."

Philosophy

"Sometimes people think you're smart if you question the status quo, if nothing else."

Intelligence

"When in doubt about who's to blame. Blame the English."

Humor

"School did give me one of the greatest gifts of my life, though. I learned how to read, and for that I remain thankful. I would have died otherwise. As soon as I was able, I read, alone. Under the covers with a flashlight or in my corner of the attic - I sought solace in books. It was from books that I started to get an inkling of the kinds of assholes I was dealing with. I found allies too, in books, characters my age who were going through or had triumphed against the same bullshit."

Education

"Anyone who's just driven 90 yards against huge men trying to kill them has earned the right to do Jazz hands."

Sports

"Its easier to feel a little more spiritual with a couple of bucks in your pocket."

Spiritual

"I think in our desire to create a better America, we have to have civilized debate in this country and not just yelling."

Politics

"Strange star - like object over Oslo right before Obama arrives. A gift of a golden medal given by a group of wise men... Nah."

Truth

"Old people really do have a secret though. You wanna know what it is? Luck."

Life

"She still cared for me, and the best way I could make amends to her was to be happy.I do have a knack for finding great women."

Love