"I noticed you weren't checking your watches - you've been shaking them."

Humor, Time, Technology, Observation

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"I noticed you weren't checking your watches - you've been shaking them."

Exlpore more Humor quotes

"Fool me once, shame on youfool me twice, shame on mefool me thrice, I'm gonna get the frying pan!"

Anthony Liccione, American Author

Humor, Trust, Mistake, Learning

"As a comedian, the more you commit the sin of stupidity, three essential things happen to your life:~people applaud you incessantly.~love you more than their parents.~give you a daily bread."

Michael Bassey Johnson, Nigerian Philosopher

Humor, Comedy, Stupidity, Life, Love

"My religion consists of laughing at myself. My motto is this: As long as there is a me, there is a reason to laugh out loud!"

C. JoyBell C., American Author

Humor, Self, Life, Joy

"Well, that depends, I suppose. I heard someone once say that men dance the same way they have sex. So, if you want everyone here to think you're the kind of guy who just sits around and-" He stood up. "Let's dance."

Richelle Mead, American Author

Humor, Dance, Sex, Judgment

"Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual."

Terry Pratchett, English Author

Humor, Weight, Warning, Technology

"I was my own boss, but that all changed the day I got married."

Matshona Dhliwayo, Zimbabwean Philosopher

Humor, Marriage, Change, Responsibility, Life

"Could you hold the chainsaw a bit closer to your mouth, please?"

Chuck Palahniuk, American Novelist

Humor, Death, Danger, Irony

"Unless you stop him. Perhaps next we meet.""You'll be just as annoying?" I guessed.He fixed my with those warm brown eyes. "Or perhaps you could bring me up to speed on those modern courtship rituals."I sat there stunned until he gave me a glimpse of a smile-just enough to let me know he was teasing. Then he disappeared."Oh, very funny!" I yelled."

Rick Riordan, American Novelist

Humor, Truth, Happiness, Power

"Don't ask for a girl's hand in marriage and forget to ask for her leg too."

Matshona Dhliwayo, Zimbabwean Philosopher

Humor, Marriage, Leg, Respect

"Papa, potatoes, poultry, prunes and prism, are all very good words for the lips."

Charles Dickens, English Novelist

Humor, Words

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"From the dear comes grief; From the dear comes fear.If you're freed from the dear You'll have no grief, let alone fear."

Emotional

"Harpists spend half their life tuning and the other half playing out of tune."

Music

"If love is blind why is lingerie so popular?"

Humor

"God is love, and he who abides in love abides in God, and God in him."

Spiritual

"In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth."

Spiritual

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Exlpore more Humor quotes

"Fool me once, shame on youfool me twice, shame on mefool me thrice, I'm gonna get the frying pan!"

"As a comedian, the more you commit the sin of stupidity, three essential things happen to your life:~people applaud you incessantly.~love you more than their parents.~give you a daily bread."

"My religion consists of laughing at myself. My motto is this: As long as there is a me, there is a reason to laugh out loud!"

"Well, that depends, I suppose. I heard someone once say that men dance the same way they have sex. So, if you want everyone here to think you're the kind of guy who just sits around and-" He stood up. "Let's dance."

"Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual."

"I was my own boss, but that all changed the day I got married."

"Could you hold the chainsaw a bit closer to your mouth, please?"

"Don't ask for a girl's hand in marriage and forget to ask for her leg too."

"Papa, potatoes, poultry, prunes and prism, are all very good words for the lips."

Explore more quotes by Anonymous

"Good People bring out the good in other people."

"I noticed you weren't checking your watches - you've been shaking them."

"God answers prayer with certainty. Wish fulfillment is something else."

"Oboe - an ill woodwind that nobody blows good."

"Seek knowledge from the Cradle to the Grave."

"From the dear comes grief; From the dear comes fear.If you're freed from the dear You'll have no grief, let alone fear."

"Harpists spend half their life tuning and the other half playing out of tune."

"If love is blind why is lingerie so popular?"

"God is love, and he who abides in love abides in God, and God in him."

"In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth."