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"As an old reporter, we have a few secrets, and the first thing is we try the phone book."
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"Playing Solitaire is a non-smoking employee's smoke break."
"They lack suggestive power. And when a book lacks suggestive power, however hard it hits the surface of the mind it cannot penetrate within."
"To me she said, "It's this stupid gotcha thing, they've been doing it for weeks now. Leaping out at each other and us, scaring the hell out of everyone.""It's a game of wits," Bert said to me."Half-wits," Kristy added."
"Epic sex?" I sputtered. "By what standards, precisely, is sex judged to be epic?""And tons and tons of mortal simps like you used as pawns." Bob sighed happily, ignoring my question. "There are no words. It was like the Lord of the Rings and All My Children made a baby with the Macho Man Randy Savage and a Whac-A-Mole machine."
"I've accepted the fact I have mental illness but when my imaginary friends start calling me crazy that's where I draw the line."
Explore more quotes by Andy Rooney
"I don't think the government is out to get me or help someone else get me but it wouldn't surprise me if they were out to sell me something or help someone else sell me something. I mean, why else would the Census Bureau want to know my telephone number?"
"Computers may save time but they sure waste a lot of paper. About 98 percent of everything printed out by a computer is garbage that no one ever reads."
"The Super Bowl isn't for kids, I had a great time though and it was worth every nickel of it because by doing this lame piece about the game I can put it on my expense account."
"Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done."
"The average bright young man who is drafted hates the whole business because an army always tries to eliminate the individual differences in men."
"Making duplicate copies and computer printouts of things no one wanted even one of in the first place is giving America a new sense of purpose."
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