"As an old reporter, we have a few secrets, and the first thing is we try the phone book."

Humor, First, Old, Secrets

28

Create Your Own Wallpaper

Standard

Customized

"As an old reporter, we have a few secrets, and the first thing is we try the phone book."

Exlpore more Humor quotes

"If it weren't for the last minute nothing would get done."

Anonymous, Unknown Unknown

Humor, Procrastination, Delay, Action

"When you love someone, you don't care that she ate your sandwich. You only hope she found it delicious."

Richelle E. Goodrich, American Poet

Humor, Love, Happiness, Today, Truth

"You know, Aunt Tasha makes jokes about how youE1d actually be a better queen than the others, except sometimes . . . I donE1t think sheE1s joking."

Richelle Mead, American Author

Humor, Jokes, Comparison, Family

"A tie is what you get after ice cubes have wrestled with hot water."

Mokokoma Mokhonoana, South African Philosopher

Humor, Truth, Life, Happiness

"Your party kicked so much ass!Even though you suck so much! It's like, instead of blood, your heart pumps liquid suck! But thanks for the beer!"

John Green, American Author

Humor, Social, Truth, Life

"Some people make spectacles of themselves with a couple of glasses."

Anonymous, Unknown Unknown

Humor, Behavior, Society, Life

"Everyone has a sense of humor. If you don't laugh at jokes, you probably laugh at opinions."

Criss Jami, American Philosopher

Humor, Truth, Wisdom, Life, Power

"It's not that I really cheat at golf. I play for my health and a low score makes me feel better."

Anonymous, Unknown Unknown

Humor, Golf, Health, Cheating

"If you're brighter than a lightning bug, don't show your ass."

Stanley Victor Paskavich, American Politician

Humor, Wisdom, Ego, Intelligence

"She watched him for a long moment, an adorably annoyed frown wrinkling her forehead. "You're obnoxious when you're right."

Katie Reus, American Author

Humor, Observation, Interaction, Emotion

Explore more quotes by Andy Rooney

"The only people who say worse things about politicians that reporters do are other politicians."

People, Politicians

"The federal government has sponsored research that has produced a tomato that is perfect in every respect, except that you can't eat it. We should make every effort to make sure this disease, often referred to as 'progress', doesn't spread."

Government, Disease, Effort, Research

"We're all proud of making little mistakes. It gives us the feeling we don't make any big ones."

Emotional, Feeling, Mistakes

"Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done."

Computer, Computers

"If you smile when no one else is around, you really mean it."

Emotional, Smile, Emotion

"I don't like food that's too carefully arranged; it makes me think that the chef is spending too much time arranging and not enough time cooking. If I wanted a picture I'd buy a painting."

Food, Time, Cooking, Painting

"Computers may save time but they sure waste a lot of paper. About 98 percent of everything printed out by a computer is garbage that no one ever reads."

Computer, Computers, Time, May, Waste

"Taxes are important. President Bush's tax proposals leave no rich person behind. Voters approve of President Bush helping the kind of people they wish they were one of."

People, Tax, President, Taxes

"Elephants and grandchildren never forget."

Wisdom, Forget

"I just wish we knew a little less about his urethra and a little more about his arms sales to Iran."

Politics, Sales