top of page
.png){kind=small}
"Babies don't need a vacation, but I still see them at the beach... it pisses me off! I'll go over to a little baby and say 'What are you doing here? You haven't worked a day in your life!'"
Standard
Customized
More
"I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving."
Car
"My friend has a baby. I'm recording all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant."
Friendship
"I bought some instant water one time but I didn't know what to add to it."
Time
"The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing."
Now
"I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went to the funeral in one car."
Car
"A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths."
People
"There was a power outage at a department store yesterday. Twenty people were trapped on the escalators."
Power
"Ever notice how irons have a setting for permanent press? I don't get it."
Press
"I was a peripheral visionary. I could see the future, but only way off to the side."
Future
"I wrote a few children's books... not on purpose."
Purpose
More
"We were marching since we were babies and all we did was make Jane Fonda famous."
Author Name
Personal Development
"I wanted to play the part that Mary Kay played, the lawyer who wanted to have baby and felt her clock ticking, because it was something I could relate to."
Author Name
Personal Development
"You must have been a beautiful baby, 'Cos baby just look at you now."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Watching a baby being born is a little like watching a wet St. Bernard coming in through the cat door."
Author Name
Personal Development
"I kept my babies fed. I could have dumped them, but I didn't. I decided that whatever trip I was on, they were going with me. You're looking at a real daddy."
Author Name
Personal Development
"My parents had been involved in the labor movement; if we'd grown up in the city, we would have been red-diaper babies."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Baby, black promoters oppressed me before white promoters ever got hold of me. Don't talk skin to me."
Author Name
Personal Development
"I'm a New Wave baby, so I got very stimulated by foreign film."
Author Name
Personal Development
"The thing that stood out above and beyond all the experiences was this relationship with the nine-month-old baby. On weekends, I'd be thinking about going back to set on Monday just to see the baby."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Blues means what milk does to a baby. Blues is what the spirit is to the minister. We sing the blues because our hearts have been hurt, our souls have been disturbed."
Author Name
Personal Development
bottom of page