"Eating rice cakes is like chewing on a foam coffee cup, only less filling."

Humor, Coffee, Eating

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"Eating rice cakes is like chewing on a foam coffee cup, only less filling."

Exlpore more Humor quotes

"Don't interrupt me while I'm interrupting."

Winston Churchill, English Statesman

Humor, Communication, Life, Patience

"If it weren't for the last minute nothing would get done."

Anonymous, Unknown Unknown

Humor, Procrastination, Delay, Action

"And if I talk to him, I'll say something wrong, give something away. I can feel it coming, a betrayal of myself."

Margaret Atwood, Canadian Novelist

Humor, Escape, Solitude, Space, Privacy

"Kemp: I demonstrated conclusively this morning that invisibility--I.M: Never mind what YOU'VE DEMONSTRATED!--I'm starving, said the voice, and the night is--chilly for a man without clothes."

H. G. Wells, English Author

Humor, Observation, Survival, Humanity

"I hope you're not smoking in front of her,' Lucia says to him.'Yeah, I lie in bed and puff in her face, Lucia,' he says, irritated."

Melina Marchetta, Australian Author

Humor, Observation, Life, Interaction

"Niagara ... is the first disappointment in the married life of many Americans who spend their honeymoon there."

Oscar Wilde, Irish Dramatist

Humor, Disappointment, Marriage, Travel, America

"God alert!" Blackjack yelled. "It's the wine dude!Mr. D sighed in exasperation. "The next person, or horse, who calls me the 'wine dude' will end up in a bottle of Merlot!"

Rick Riordan, American Novelist

Humor, Truth, Wisdom, Power

"I always try to cheer myself up by singing when i get sad. Most of the time, it turns out that my voice is worse than my problems."

Anonymous, Unknown Unknown

Humor, Singing, Sadness, Voice

"Humor keeps us alive. Humor and food. Don't forget food. You can go a week without laughing."

Joss Whedon, American Writer

Humor, Survival, Life, Joy

"When you love someone, you don't care that she ate your sandwich. You only hope she found it delicious."

Richelle E. Goodrich, American Poet

Humor, Love, Happiness, Today, Truth

Explore more quotes by Dave Barry

"Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance."

Dance

"The word user is the word used by the computer professional when they mean idiot."

Computer

"U.S. News Organizations observe the anniversary of September 11 with investigations about the nation's continuing vulnerability to terrorism. First, the New York Daily News reports that two of its reporters carried box cutters, razor knives, and pepper spray on fourteen commercial flights without getting caught. Then ABC News reports that it smuggled fifteen pounds of uranium into New York City. Then Fox News reports that it flew Osama bin Laden to Washington, D.C., and videotaped him touring the White House."

Satire

"He couldn't get into Harvard even if he had the dean's wife at gunpoint."

Satire

"You could be Charles Manson, or Hitler, or even a lawyer who advertises on television, and your dog will still think you're the greatest thing ever. This tells you something very important about dogs: They are not very bright."

Loyalty

"If God had wanted us to be concerned for the plight of the toads, he would have made them cute and furry."

God

"I have been a gigantic Rolling Stones fan since approximately the Spanish-American War."

War

"The leading cause of death among fashion models is falling through street grates."

Death

"Never assume that the guy understands that you and he have a relationship."

Dating

"Don't you wish you had a job like mine? All you have to do is think up a certain number of words! Plus, you can repeat words! And they don't even have to be true!"

Job