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"Fool me once, shame on youfool me twice, shame on mefool me thrice, I'm gonna get the frying pan!"
Author Name
Personal Development
"As a comedian, the more you commit the sin of stupidity, three essential things happen to your life:~people applaud you incessantly.~love you more than their parents.~give you a daily bread."
Author Name
Personal Development
"My religion consists of laughing at myself. My motto is this: As long as there is a me, there is a reason to laugh out loud!"
Author Name
Personal Development
"Well, that depends, I suppose. I heard someone once say that men dance the same way they have sex. So, if you want everyone here to think you're the kind of guy who just sits around and-" He stood up. "Let's dance."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual."
Author Name
Personal Development
"I was my own boss, but that all changed the day I got married."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Could you hold the chainsaw a bit closer to your mouth, please?"
Author Name
Personal Development
"Unless you stop him. Perhaps next we meet.""You'll be just as annoying?" I guessed.He fixed my with those warm brown eyes. "Or perhaps you could bring me up to speed on those modern courtship rituals."I sat there stunned until he gave me a glimpse of a smile-just enough to let me know he was teasing. Then he disappeared."Oh, very funny!" I yelled."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Don't ask for a girl's hand in marriage and forget to ask for her leg too."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Papa, potatoes, poultry, prunes and prism, are all very good words for the lips."
Author Name
Personal Development
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"Good People bring out the good in other people."
Positivity
"Old houses mended."
Inspirational
"And when I was born I drew in the common air and fell upon the earth which is of like nature and the first voice which I uttered was crying as all others do . . . For all men have one entrance into life. The Apocrypha Monday's child is fair of face Tuesday's child is full of grace Wednesday's child is full of woe Thursday's child has far to go Friday's child is loving and giving Saturday's child works hard for a living But the child born on the Sabbath day Is happy and wise and good and gay."
Life
"There is one art, no more, no less, to do all things with artlessness."
Art
"Only when the last tree has died and the last river been poisoned and the last fish been caught will we realise we cannot eat money."
Truth
"A faithful husband is one whose alimony check is always on time."
Relationship
"John 1:5"Light shines into the darkness, but the darkness has not understood it."
Spiritual
"Kindness is the ability to love people more than they deserve."
Love
"The tanned appearance of many New Englanders is not sunburn - it is rust."
Humor
"When I was preparing for this speech I asked my family for advice. One member replied "There's a first time for everything so try to be funny and brief.""
Humor
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