"This doesn't mean you're getting a discount."Audrey heaved a mock sigh. "Oh well. I guess I'll have to ply you with sexual favors, then."Gnome choked on the soup. "I'm old enough to be your grandfather!"Audrey winked at him, gathering the empty bags. "But you're not."

Humor, Boundaries, Dialogue, Aging

31

Create Your Own Wallpaper

Standard

Customized

"This doesn't mean you're getting a discount."Audrey heaved a mock sigh. "Oh well. I guess I'll have to ply you with sexual favors, then."Gnome choked on the soup. "I'm old enough to be your grandfather!"Audrey winked at him, gathering the empty bags. "But you're not."

Exlpore more Humor quotes

"If it weren't for the last minute nothing would get done."

Anonymous, Unknown Unknown

Humor, Procrastination, Delay, Action

"When you love someone, you don't care that she ate your sandwich. You only hope she found it delicious."

Richelle E. Goodrich, American Poet

Humor, Love, Happiness, Today, Truth

"Some kleptomaniacs do not steal things only; they also, while some only, steal lovers."

Mokokoma Mokhonoana, South African Philosopher

Humor, Truth, Life, Power, Wisdom

"You know, Aunt Tasha makes jokes about how youE1d actually be a better queen than the others, except sometimes . . . I donE1t think sheE1s joking."

Richelle Mead, American Author

Humor, Jokes, Comparison, Family

"A tie is what you get after ice cubes have wrestled with hot water."

Mokokoma Mokhonoana, South African Philosopher

Humor, Truth, Life, Happiness

"Zombies are far better than religious people, because they do not discriminate in killing."

M.F. Moonzajer, Afghan Author

Humor, Zombies, Religion, Violence, Equality

"Your party kicked so much ass!Even though you suck so much! It's like, instead of blood, your heart pumps liquid suck! But thanks for the beer!"

John Green, American Author

Humor, Social, Truth, Life

"Some people make spectacles of themselves with a couple of glasses."

Anonymous, Unknown Unknown

Humor, Behavior, Society, Life

"I've stopped drinking, but only while I'm asleep."

George Best, Irish Athlete

Humor, Drinking

"Everyone has a sense of humor. If you don't laugh at jokes, you probably laugh at opinions."

Criss Jami, American Philosopher

Humor, Truth, Wisdom, Life, Power

Explore more quotes by Ilona Andrews

"Some people had attack dogs. Ghastek had attack lawyers."

Politics

"Not only will you sleep with me, but you will say 'please.'"I stared at him, shocked. The smile widened. "You will say 'please' before and 'thank you' after." Nervous laughter bubbled up. "You've gone insane. All that peroxide in your hair finally did your brain in, Goldilocks."

Relationship

"So far I had the god of evil and the god of terror on my side. My good-guy image was taking a serious beating. Maybe I should recruit some unicorns or kittens with rainbow powers to even us out."

Humor

"It seems that the young woman made some indelicate suggestion of a threesome...When I got there, Miss Nash was standing by the hot tub in a small bikini, pointing the business end of a SIG-Sauer P-226 at her fella and concerned members of the hotel staff, while dunking the scantily clad female's head under the water and asking, "Who's diving for clams now, bitch?"

Adventure

"You might want to decide fast. We live in a dangerous world. If you see a chance to be happy, you have to fight for it, so later you have no regrets."

Motivation

"He leaned toward me. Suddenly the space between us shrank."I will do everything in my power to ensure your survival, and should the need arise, I will put myself between danger and you." His voice was quiet and intimate. "Do not hesitate to use me as your shield."His voice sent tiny shivers through me.Wow."

Protection

"When she looked at him with those dark eyes, Nassar felt the urge to say something intelligent and deeply impressive. Unfortunately, nothing of the kind came to mind."