"It's not that I really cheat at golf. I play for my health and a low score makes me feel better."

Humor, Golf, Health, Cheating

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"It's not that I really cheat at golf. I play for my health and a low score makes me feel better."

Exlpore more Humor quotes

"Ma'am,' Augustus said, nodding toward her, 'your daughter's car has just been deservedly egged by a blind man. Please close the door and go back inside or we'll be forced to call the police.' After wavering for a moment, Monica's mom closed the door and disappeared."

John Green, American Author

Humor, Police, Interaction, Social

"What is it with you today? says Christina on the way to breakfast. Her eyes are stillswollen from sleep and her tangled hair forms a fuzzy halo around her face."Oh, you know, I say. "Sun shining. Birds chirping.She raises an eyebrow at me, as if reminding me that we are in an undergroundtunnel."

Veronica Roth, American Author

Humor, Sun, Birds, Morning

"Sergeant Colon of the Ankh-Morpork City Guard was on duty. He was guarding the Brass Bridge, the main link between Ankh and Morpork. From theft.When it came to crime prevention, Sergeant Colon found it safest to think big."

Terry Pratchett, English Author

Humor, Crime, Duty, Irony

"Ben, if you get pee in my brand-new car, I am going to cut your balls off."Still peeing, Ben looks over at me smirking. "You re gonna need a hell of a big knife, bro."

John Green, American Author

Humor, Friendship, Warning, Relationship

"Well, while you were in the bathroom, I sat down at this picnic table here in Bumblefug, Kentucky, and noticed that someone had carved that GOD HATES FAG, which, aside from being a grammatical nightmare, is absolutely ridiculous. So I'm changing it to 'God Hates Baguettes.' It's tough to disagree with that. Everybody hates baguettes."

John Green, American Author

Humor, Judgment, Language, Truth

"What are you assholes looking at?" "Nothing," said Radar. "We're certainly not looking at your eyebrows."

John Green, American Author

Humor, Observation, Social, Life

"If God had a wife, He would be in trouble too if He dodged His chores."

Matshona Dhliwayo, Zimbabwean Philosopher

Humor, God, Marriage, Trouble

"When you put on your thinking cap make sure it's clean."

Matshona Dhliwayo, Zimbabwean Philosopher

Humor, Thinking, Mindset, Clarity

"Is she special? (asks the gay waiter)' I thinks she's going to break my heart' On arrival of the girl' The flannel is fine honey,but I have'nt seen anyone that over accesorized since batman!"

Christopher Moore, American Novelist

Humor, Love, Appearance, Judgment

"Boys are raw materials that women manufacture into products called men."

Matshona Dhliwayo, Zimbabwean Philosopher

Humor, Boys, Growth, Men, Development

Explore more quotes by Anonymous

"Modern kitchen - where the pot calls the kettle chartreuse."

Humor

"We're too young to want to stop living, because after all, we shouldn't stop something we haven't even started."

Life

"Once you find your Happy space,you wouldnt be in the rat race."

Happiness

"Night when deep sleep falleth on men."

Spiritual

"Every way of a man is right in his own eyes, but the Lord pondereth the hearts."

Truth

"Once my wife gave me a wonderful birthday present. She let me win an argument."

Relationship

"His clear conscience is a result of a poor memory."

Psychology

"Productive prayer requires earnestness not eloquence."

Spiritual

"Worry never climbed a hill worry never paid a bill Worry never dried a tear worry never calmed a fear Worry never darned a heel worry never cooked a meal It never led a horse to water nor ever did a thing it "oughter.""

Wisdom

"Whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things."

Spiritual