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Tommy Cooper

"A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'"

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"A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'"

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Donna Grant

"There's nothing better than a good, blind referee."

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Donna Grant

"On my income tax 1040 it says "Check this box if you are blind." I wanted to put a check mark about three inches away."

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Donna Grant

"Hate and mistrust are the children of blindness."

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Donna Grant

"None so deaf as those that will not hear. None so blind as those that will not see."

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Donna Grant

"That first writing session, what Dan Hill calls a creative blind date, is always a real challenge, and you bring that back to your partner when you return to writing with them."

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Donna Grant

"We can see, so we are always blind to things deeper than skin."

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Donna Grant

"It is we that are blind, not fortune."

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Donna Grant

"It should be clear by now that my focus here is not freedom of speech or the press. This freedom is all too often an exaggeration. At the very least, blind references to freedom of speech or the press serve as a distraction from the critical examination of other communications policies."

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Donna Grant

"Be blind. Be stupid. Be British. Be careful."

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Donna Grant

"I was deaf and dumb and blind to all but me, myself and I."

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Tommy Cooper
"So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me 'Can you give me a lift?' I said 'Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it.'"
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"I went window shopping today! I bought four windows."
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"You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.'"
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"Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off."
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"I went into a French restaraunt and asked the waiter, 'Have you got frog's legs?' He said, 'Yes,' so I said, 'Well hop into the kitchen and get me a cheese sandwich.'"
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Tommy Cooper
"A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'"
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Tommy Cooper
"Last night I dreamt I ate a ten pound marshmallow. When I woke up the pillow was gone."
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"I used to be indecisive but now I am not quite sure."
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Tommy Cooper
"Well, my wife and I were married in a toilet - it was a marriage of convenience!"
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Tommy Cooper
"So he said 'I'm going to chop off the bottom of one of your trouser legs and put it in a library.' I thought 'That's a turn-up for the books.'"
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