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"A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'"
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"There's nothing better than a good, blind referee."
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Personal Development
"On my income tax 1040 it says "Check this box if you are blind." I wanted to put a check mark about three inches away."
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Personal Development
"Hate and mistrust are the children of blindness."
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Personal Development
"None so deaf as those that will not hear. None so blind as those that will not see."
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Personal Development
"There I was, an 18-year-old mimic rooming with a blind whistler."
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Personal Development
"That first writing session, what Dan Hill calls a creative blind date, is always a real challenge, and you bring that back to your partner when you return to writing with them."
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Personal Development
"I hooked up everybody in Sidney, including one guy who was blind."
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Personal Development
"We can see, so we are always blind to things deeper than skin."
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Personal Development
"It is we that are blind, not fortune."
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Personal Development
"Justice is lame as well as blind, amongst us."
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"Last night I dreamt I ate a ten pound marshmallow. When I woke up the pillow was gone."
Night
"So he said 'I'm going to chop off the bottom of one of your trouser legs and put it in a library.' I thought 'That's a turn-up for the books.'"
Thought
"So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me 'Can you give me a lift?' I said 'Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it.'"
Car
"I used to be indecisive but now I am not quite sure."
Now
"Well, my wife and I were married in a toilet - it was a marriage of convenience!"
Marriage
"A woman tells her doctor, 'I've got a bad back.' The doctor says, 'It's old age.' The woman says, 'I want a second opinion.' The doctor says: 'Okay - you're ugly as well.'"
Age
"A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'"
Blind
"So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'"
Building
"I went window shopping today! I bought four windows."
Windows
"You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.'"
Driving
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