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Steven Wright

"Don't you hate when your hand falls asleep and you know it will be up all night."

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"Don't you hate when your hand falls asleep and you know it will be up all night."

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Asa Don Brown

"We do not hate as long as we still attach a lesser value, but only when we attach an equal or a greater value."

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Asa Don Brown

"I hate cameras. They are so much more sure than I am about everything."

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Asa Don Brown

"Sometimes hate is silence, some stuff are made in such way that they are in front of your eyes."

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Asa Don Brown

"The correlative to loving our neighbors as ourselves is hating ourselves as we hate our neighbors."

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Asa Don Brown

"When you hate somebody...you give him chance mastering your heart."

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Asa Don Brown

"She wanted to get at the hate of them all, to pry at it and work at it until she found a little chink, and then pull out a pebble or a stone or a brick and then a part of the wall, and, once started, the whole edifice might roar down and be done away with."

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Asa Don Brown

"If you hate a person, you hate something in him that is part of yourself. What isn't part of ourselves doesn't disturb us."

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Asa Don Brown

"Hate looks like everybody else until it smiles."

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Asa Don Brown

"Life sometimes confuses us by making us discover in someone we hate a quality or qualities we love."

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Asa Don Brown

"To be a real philosopher all that is necessary is to hate some one else's type of thinking."

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Steven Wright
"The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing."
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Steven Wright
"I saw a subliminal advertising executive, but only for a second."
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Steven Wright
"A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths."
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Steven Wright
"I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything."
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Steven Wright
"I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went to the funeral in one car."
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Steven Wright
"I was a peripheral visionary. I could see the future, but only way off to the side."
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Steven Wright
"I wrote a few children's books... not on purpose."
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Steven Wright
"I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving."
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Steven Wright
"My friend has a baby. I'm recording all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant."
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Steven Wright
"I bought some instant water one time but I didn't know what to add to it."
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