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Steven Wright

"Don't you hate when your hand falls asleep and you know it will be up all night."

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"Don't you hate when your hand falls asleep and you know it will be up all night."

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Donna Grant

"If you hate a person, you hate something in him that is part of yourself. What isn't part of ourselves doesn't disturb us."

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Donna Grant

"I hate that which we have decided to call realism, even though I have been made one of its high priests."

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Donna Grant

"We do not hate as long as we still attach a lesser value, but only when we attach an equal or a greater value."

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Donna Grant

"It was the hate of the used and tormented, who are the children of the used and tormented, and whose own children will be used and tormented."

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Donna Grant

"Don't hate me 'cause I'm booed a fool!"

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Donna Grant

"I hate the word 'sneering', I can't help the way my face looks."

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Donna Grant

"To be a real philosopher all that is necessary is to hate some one else's type of thinking."

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Donna Grant

"I never storyboard. I hate it. I don't understand why so many directors want to make comic strips of their films."

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Donna Grant

"Life sometimes confuses us by making us discover in someone we hate a quality or qualities we love."

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Donna Grant

"Folks never understand the folks they hate."

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Steven Wright
"The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing."
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"I wrote a few children's books... not on purpose."
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Steven Wright
"I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving."
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Steven Wright
"My friend has a baby. I'm recording all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant."
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Steven Wright
"There was a power outage at a department store yesterday. Twenty people were trapped on the escalators."
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Steven Wright
"In Vegas, I got into a long argument with the man at the roulette wheel over what I considered to be an odd number."
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Steven Wright
"If one synchronised swimmer drowns, do all the rest have to drown too?"
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Steven Wright
"Ever notice how irons have a setting for permanent press? I don't get it."
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Steven Wright
"Do you think that when they asked George Washington for ID that he just whipped out a quarter?"
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Steven Wright
"Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be if that didn't happen."
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