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"I'm taking Viagra and drinking prune juice - I don't know if I'm coming or going."
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"I've been drinking and using since I was 13."
Author Name
Personal Development
"It totally ruins my voice. I quit smoking, drinking, and doing ecstasy."
Author Name
Personal Development
"I haven't been drinking for years now. Something's got to give. I don't mind that I'm a guy that's stopped drinking, though this interview is making me mighty thirsty."
Author Name
Personal Development
"The piano has been drinking, not me."
Author Name
Personal Development
"I dare not drink before a gig because I'll get tired and blow it. So I have to sit drinking tea in a caravan."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Those persons who suffer from indigestion, or who become drunk, are utterly ignorant of the true principles of eating and drinking."
Author Name
Personal Development
"The whole world is about three drinks behind."
Author Name
Personal Development
"I quit drinking, so I can think clear. When you have chop trouble, drinking doesn't help the healing process."
Author Name
Personal Development
"When you stop drinking, you have to deal with this marvelous personality that started you drinking in the first place."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Now tequila may be the favored beverage of outlaws but that doesn't mean it gives them preferential treatment. In fact, tequila probably has betrayed as many outlaws as has the central nervous system and dissatisfied wives. Tequila, scorpion honey, harsh dew of the doglands, essence of Aztec, crema de cacti; tequila, oily and thermal like the sun in solution; tequila, liquid geometry of passion; Tequila, the buzzard god who copulates in midair with the ascending souls of dying virgins; tequila, firebug in the house of good taste; O tequila, savage water of sorcery, what confusion and mischief your sly, rebellious drops do generate!"
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"Most of the arguments to which I am party fall somewhat short of being impressive, knowing to the fact that neither I nor my opponent knows what we are talking about."
Argument
"My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too."
Opinion
"I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me."
Wife
"My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it."
Wife
"Acting deals with very delicate emotions. It is not putting up a mask. Each time an actor acts he does not hide; he exposes himself."
Time
"I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out."
Fight
"My wife was afraid of the dark... then she saw me naked and now she's afraid of the light."
Wife
"When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them."
Parents
"I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it."
Time
"I looked up my family tree and found three dogs using it."
Family
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