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"If I start giving people what they like I'll turn into one of them and I don't want to be one of them I want to be one of me."
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Exlpore more Wit quotes
"The wittiest authors raise the very slightest of smiles."
"I am often the brunt of my own humor."
"Make the doors upon a woman's wit,and it will out at the casement;shut that, and 'twill out at the key-hole;stop that, 'twill fly with the smoke out at the chimney."
"When I battle wits with Jarod Kintz I always feel like I need to take my brain out to give him a transplant. Bad part is we don't have any."
"Take a pinch of snuff, doctor, and acknowledge that I have scored over you in your example."
"This is a lot more satisfying," he said, "when I have intelligent life whom I can render awed, rapt with attention for my clever verbosity."The ugly lizard-crab-thing on the next rock over clicked its claw, an almost hesitant sound."Your right, of course," Wit said. "My usual audience isn't particularly intelligent. That was also the obvious joke, however, so shame on you."
Explore more quotes by Craig Ferguson
"Be careful who you choose as your hero or who you choose to deify, be it Clay Aiken or Barack Obama. You put all you're hope and all your dreams and all your ideas about stuff into one human being. They're a human being they're going to let you down. You can't make someone your hero because of something you read on the internet. The internet is not a source of information it is a source of disinformation."
"Twas the night before Thanksgiving. All the food's in the oven. And I'm in the bedroom performin' self lovin'."
"Hey dawg, wassup?' he said, in the strange way that white talent agents from Los Angeles do in an attempt to sound like young black men from underprivileged backgrounds. A linguistic fashion as peculiar as the lisp that everybody in medieval Spain had to adopt after the king developed a speech impediment."
"I didn't flee a dictator or swim an ocean to be an American like some do. I just thought long and hard about it."
"They were singing, Gillette, the best a man can get, with a lot of guys hugging their fathers and sailing and riding bikes. I suddenly felt a long way from the best a man could get and I thought it would be nice to get from there to the best."
"I think in our desire to create a better America, we have to have civilized debate in this country and not just yelling."
"I think commercialism helps Christmas and I think that the more capitalism we can inject into the Christmas holiday the more spiritual I feel about it"
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