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"Nobody likes insurance companies, especially health insurance companies."
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"I've accepted the fact I have mental illness but when my imaginary friends start calling me crazy that's where I draw the line."

"Crap, are you thinking what I'm thinking?""I'm thinking we have about fifteen vampires and no blood," Claire said. "Is that it?""No, I was thinking we're out of chips. Of course that's what I was thinking."

"Never stay up on the barren heights of cleverness, but come down into the green valleys of silliness."

"Name the greatest of all inventors: Accident."

"If I knew what two and two were " I would say Four!"
Explore more quotes by P. J. O'Rourke

"I come from Toledo, Ohio, a town that has been hurt badly by the shift of the automobile business towards Japan. And yet I remember how the car workers lived in the neighborhood that I grew up in. My father was a car salesman, and I remember how we lived. I remember how modestly we lived."

"The problem, when comparing contemporary television to television in 1974, is that TV has become not just bad but sad."

"Ideology, politics and journalism, which luxuriate in failure, are impotent in the face of hope and joy."

"There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380 SL convertible."

"The Nobel Peace Prize has always been a joke - albeit a grim one. Alfred Bernhard Nobel famously invented dynamite and felt sorry about it."

"In our brief national history we have shot four of our presidents, worried five of them to death, impeached one and hounded another out of office. And when all else fails, we hold an election and assassinate their character."
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