"I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time' so I ordered French toast during the Renaissance."

Absurdity, Humor, Time, Irony

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"I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time' so I ordered French toast during the Renaissance."

Exlpore more Absurdity quotes

"What is existence for but to be laughed at if men in their twenties have already attained the utmost?"

Soren Kierkegaard, Danish Philosopher

Absurdity, Existence, Youth, Achievement

"Somebody dies and people eat your food. Funny how that works."

Sherman Alexie, American Writer

Absurdity, Death, Food, Ritual

"We will then hear from the founder of the Mayo Clinic . . . Dr. Ted Clinic."

Dave Barry, American Journalist

Absurdity, Humor, Satire, Irony, Wit

"Great, numbskull. Just bloody great. You've already managed to piss off the Queen. What's next on your agenda, setting fire to Disneyland?"

Thea Harrison, American Author

Absurdity, Humor, Chaos, Authority, Rebellion

"Whattaya mean you ain't no criminal lawyer? You a lawyer right? And you in here, that means you also a criminal."

Kenneth Eade, American Author

Absurdity, Irony, Justice, Identity, Humor

"You're just so lucky blood's so hard to get out of the carpet."

Lois Greiman, American Author

Absurdity, Irony, Violence, Reaction

"So, you invite a wild rabbit living in Italy to a party on the island of Crete. What's it supposed to do, swim there? Its little tux would get wet."

Rick Riordan, American Novelist

Absurdity, Humor, Truth, Happiness

"All killer whales are named Kevin. You knew that, right?"

Christopher Moore, American Novelist

Absurdity, Humor, Animals, Playfulness

"As if someone had thrown a hand grenade into the middle of a teddy bear orgy and the only survivors had had their fur blown off."

Christopher Moore, American Novelist

Absurdity, Violence, Humor, Imagery

"Nothing happened. Nothing continued to happen. More Nothing. The Return of Nothing. Son of Nothing. Nothing Rides Again. Nothing and Abbot and Costello meet the Wolfman..."

Neil Gaiman, British Author

Absurdity, Nothing, Existence, Humor

Explore more quotes by Steven Wright

"A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths."

People

"In Vegas, I got into a long argument with the man at the roulette wheel over what I considered to be an odd number."

Argument

"I was a peripheral visionary. I could see the future, but only way off to the side."

Future

"If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?"

Gender

"I have a map of the United States... Actual size. It says, 'Scale: 1 mile = 1 mile.' I spent last summer folding it. I hardly ever unroll it. People ask me where I live, and I say, 'E6."

Humor

"If warm air rises, Heaven could be hotter than Hell."

Irony

"When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane."

Warning

69

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Exlpore more Absurdity quotes

"What is existence for but to be laughed at if men in their twenties have already attained the utmost?"

"Somebody dies and people eat your food. Funny how that works."

"We will then hear from the founder of the Mayo Clinic . . . Dr. Ted Clinic."

"Great, numbskull. Just bloody great. You've already managed to piss off the Queen. What's next on your agenda, setting fire to Disneyland?"

"Whattaya mean you ain't no criminal lawyer? You a lawyer right? And you in here, that means you also a criminal."

"You're just so lucky blood's so hard to get out of the carpet."

"So, you invite a wild rabbit living in Italy to a party on the island of Crete. What's it supposed to do, swim there? Its little tux would get wet."

"All killer whales are named Kevin. You knew that, right?"

"As if someone had thrown a hand grenade into the middle of a teddy bear orgy and the only survivors had had their fur blown off."

"Nothing happened. Nothing continued to happen. More Nothing. The Return of Nothing. Son of Nothing. Nothing Rides Again. Nothing and Abbot and Costello meet the Wolfman..."

Explore more quotes by Steven Wright

"A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths."

"In Vegas, I got into a long argument with the man at the roulette wheel over what I considered to be an odd number."

"When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction."

"If at first you don't succeed then skydiving definitely isn't for you."

"It doesn't matter what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature."

"I was a peripheral visionary. I could see the future, but only way off to the side."

"If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?"

"I have a map of the United States... Actual size. It says, 'Scale: 1 mile = 1 mile.' I spent last summer folding it. I hardly ever unroll it. People ask me where I live, and I say, 'E6."

"If warm air rises, Heaven could be hotter than Hell."

"When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane."