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"I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does he get rid of his trash? He gift wraps it, and puts in into an unlocked car."
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"What Englishman will give his mind to politics as long as he can afford to keep a motor car?"
Author Name
Personal Development
"The thing about drugs and sex is that you lose all your inhibitions. I've had sex in trains, planes, wine bars... and quite a few car parks!"
Author Name
Personal Development
"Having played many roles of scientific intellect I do have an empathy for that world. It's been hard on me because flying the Enterprise for seven years in Star Trek and sitting in Cerebro in X-men has led people to believe that I know what I'm talking about. But I'm still trying to work out how to operate the air conditioning unit on my car."
Author Name
Personal Development
"When you first get money, you buy all these things so no one thinks you're mean, and you spread it around. You get a chauffeur and you find yourself thrown around the back of this car and you think, I was happier when I had my own little car! I could drive myself!"
Author Name
Personal Development
"I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should arise for them to bark violently at nothing right in your ear."
Author Name
Personal Development
"I've tried everything other than jumping out of a plane, but nothing gives you an adrenaline rush like racing a car."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Normal is getting dressed in clothes that you buy for work, driving through traffic in a car that you are still paying for, in order to get to a job that you need so you can pay for the clothes, car and the house that you leave empty all day in order to afford to live in it."
Author Name
Personal Development
"It bothers me when I hear it in a car commercial or some such. But for the most part, it's better than seeing sacred music relegated to the scrap heap."
Author Name
Personal Development
"I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went to the funeral in one car."
Author Name
Personal Development
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"I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back."
Wife
"If my mother knew I did this for a living, she'd kill me. She thinks I'm selling dope."
Mother
"Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you're in the wrong house, that's what it means."
Home
"Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to."
Men
"My dad was the town drunk. Most of the time that's not so bad; but New York City?"
Father
"Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it."
Worth
"Take my wife... Please!"
Wife
"My brother was a lifeguard in a car wash."
Car
"My other brother-in-law died. He was a karate expert, then joined the army. The first time he saluted, he killed himself."
Time
"You look like a talent scout for a cemetery."
Talent
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