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"I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does he get rid of his trash? He gift wraps it, and puts in into an unlocked car."
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"Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should arise for them to bark violently at nothing right in your ear."
"Auto racing is boring except when a car is going at least 172 miles per hour upside down."
"I have bad reflexes. I was once run over by a car being pushed by two guys."
"I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving."
Car,
"My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car."
"The New Dealers have all left Washington to make way for the car dealers."
"America... just a nation of two hundred million used car salesmen with all the money we need to buy guns and no qualms about killing anybody else in the world who tries to make us uncomfortable."
"Campaign behavior for wives: Always be on time. Do as little talking as humanly possible. Lean back in the parade car so everybody can see the president."
"Car designers are just going to have to come up with an automobile that outlasts the payments."
Car,
Explore more quotes by Henny Youngman
"Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you're in the wrong house, that's what it means."
"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays."
"A Jewish woman had two chickens. One got sick, so the woman made chicken soup out of the other one to help the sick one get well."
"My son complains about headaches. I tell him all the time, when you get out of bed, it's feet first!"
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