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Henny Youngman

"I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does he get rid of his trash? He gift wraps it, and puts in into an unlocked car."

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"I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does he get rid of his trash? He gift wraps it, and puts in into an unlocked car."

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Amber Hurdle

"I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving."

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"My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car."

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"I have a Volvo S60R and it's a pretty fast car, the R says it all."

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"They put chains on me; they chained my waist, my legs. Put me in the back of a squad car, and I literally blacked out. I didn't even - there's whole pieces missing."

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"A man sits in his car at the traffic lights, waiting for them to go green."

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"No, in Lethal Weapon I was a taxi cab driver that Mel jumps in front of the taxi and pulls me out of the car and steals the taxi. Then I did some other indie driving for some of the car sequences."

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Amber Hurdle

"So the first thing that I thought about was, 'How is this car going to handle?' But then after I'd been driving with it and practicing with it and I accomplished that, then I just kind of sat back."

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Amber Hurdle

"I remember that all of a sudden, the car felt like I couldn't control it. It was absolutely the most horrifying experience. We rolled over, off the freeway. I think there was something wrong with the car."

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Amber Hurdle

"A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who has never owned a car."

Car,
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Amber Hurdle

"Campaign behavior for wives: Always be on time. Do as little talking as humanly possible. Lean back in the parade car so everybody can see the president."

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"I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back."
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"Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it."
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"My other brother-in-law died. He was a karate expert, then joined the army. The first time he saluted, he killed himself."
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"Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport."
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"If you had your life to live over again, do it overseas."
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"If my mother knew I did this for a living, she'd kill me. She thinks I'm selling dope."
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"I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill me."
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Henny Youngman
"A Jewish woman had two chickens. One got sick, so the woman made chicken soup out of the other one to help the sick one get well."
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Henny Youngman
"You have a ready wit. Tell me when it's ready."
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Henny Youngman
"You have a nice personality, but not for a human being."
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