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W. C. Fields

"Now don't say you can't swear off drinking; it's easy. I've done it a thousand times."

W. C. Fields, American Comedian
Drink, Drinking, Now
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"Now don't say you can't swear off drinking; it's easy. I've done it a thousand times."

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"The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind."

Humphrey Bogart, American Actor
Drink, Drinks, World
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"So I did quit coffee and I did quit smoking. But I haven't managed that with drinking!"

Sharon Olds, American Poet
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"The whole world is about three drinks behind."

Humphrey Bogart, American Actor
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"Resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die."

Carrie Fisher, American Actress
Drink, Drinking, Poison, Resentment, Waiting
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"I dare not drink before a gig because I'll get tired and blow it. So I have to sit drinking tea in a caravan."

John Bonham, British Musician
Drink, Drinking, Tea
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"The point of drinking in moderation is that sometimes you don't drink in moderation."

Artie Lange, American Actor
Drink, Drinking, Moderation
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"At the Olympics in China, every color was represented... and that was just the drinking water."

Evan Sayet, American Comedian
Drink, Drinking, Water
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"I'm taking Viagra and drinking prune juice - I don't know if I'm coming or going."

Rodney Dangerfield, American Comedian
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"Meet them once and you're innocent; meet them twice and you're not. So if you see me having drinks again with Harvey Weinstein then, okay, you've got me."

Matt Drudge, American Celebrity
Drink, Drinks
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Amber Hurdle

"Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off."

Tommy Cooper, British Comedian
Drink, Drinking, Eating, Kids, Police

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"Marry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard on a cold night, she can still survive."
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"Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she'll expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life."
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"Hell, I never vote for anybody, I always vote against."
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"The world is getting to be such a dangerous place, a man is lucky to get out of it alive."
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"I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it."
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"The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves."
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