"Chinese food in Texas is the best Chinese food in the United States except Boston."

Humor, Food, Preference, Comparison

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"Chinese food in Texas is the best Chinese food in the United States except Boston."

Exlpore more Humor quotes

"If it weren't for the last minute nothing would get done."

Anonymous, Unknown Unknown

Humor, Procrastination, Delay, Action

"And if I talk to him, I'll say something wrong, give something away. I can feel it coming, a betrayal of myself."

Margaret Atwood, Canadian Novelist

Humor, Escape, Solitude, Space, Privacy

"God alert!" Blackjack yelled. "It's the wine dude!Mr. D sighed in exasperation. "The next person, or horse, who calls me the 'wine dude' will end up in a bottle of Merlot!"

Rick Riordan, American Novelist

Humor, Truth, Wisdom, Power

"I always try to cheer myself up by singing when i get sad. Most of the time, it turns out that my voice is worse than my problems."

Anonymous, Unknown Unknown

Humor, Singing, Sadness, Voice

"When you love someone, you don't care that she ate your sandwich. You only hope she found it delicious."

Richelle E. Goodrich, American Poet

Humor, Love, Happiness, Today, Truth

"Looking for a wife is like fishing; before you go, make sure you don't have a hole in your net."

Matshona Dhliwayo, Zimbabwean Philosopher

Humor, Marriage, Fishing, Perspective

"Using a metaphor in front of a man as unimaginative as Ridcully was like ared flag to a bu... was like putting something very annoying in front ofsomeone who was annoyed by it."

Terry Pratchett, English Author

Humor, Happiness, Today, Wisdom

"Some kleptomaniacs do not steal things only; they also, while some only, steal lovers."

Mokokoma Mokhonoana, South African Philosopher

Humor, Truth, Life, Power, Wisdom

"Eagles may soar but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines."

Anonymous, Unknown Unknown

Humor, Safety, Cleverness, Animals

"Cleanliness becomes more important when godliness is unlikely."

P. J. O'Rourke, American Comedian

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Explore more quotes by John Updike

"I know more about what it's like to be elderly and infirm and kind of stupid, the way you get forgetful, but on the other hand I'm a littler, wiser, dare we say? The word 'wisdom' has kind of faded out of our vocabulary, but yeah, I'm a little wiser."

Wisdom, Aging, Experience, Reflection

"There is no such thing as static happiness. Happiness is a mixed thing, a thing compounded of sacrifices, and losses, and betrayals."

Happiness, Loss, Sacrifice, Reality

"An affair wants to spill, to share its glory with the world. No act is so private it does not seek applause."

Act, Applause, Glory, World

"No matter how cheerful and blameless the day's activities have been, when you wake in the middle of the night there is guilt in the air, a gnawing feeling of everything being slightly off, wrong - you in the wrong, and the world too, as if darkness is a kind of light that shows us the depth we are about to fall into."

Anxiety, Guilt, Darkness, Subconscious

"Having children is something we think we ought to do because our parents did it, but when it is over the children are just other members of the human race, rather disappointingly."

Parenting, Expectation, Reality, Tradition

"My first thought, as a child, was that the artist brings something into the world that didn't exist before, and that he does it without destroying something else. A kind of refutation of the conservation of matter. That still seems to me its central magic, its core of joy."

Art, Creation, Magic, Joy

"But for a few phrases from his letters and an odd line or two of his verse, the poet walks gagged through his own biography."

Writing, Biography, Letters

"Writing criticism is to writing fiction and poetry as hugging the shore is to sailing in the open sea."

Poetry, Criticism, Fiction, Open

"The difficulty with humourists is that they will mix what they believe with what they don't whichever seems likelier to win an effect."

Satire, Humor, Irony, Belief, Manipulation

"That a marriage ends is less than ideal; but all things end under heaven, and if temporality is held to be invalidating, then nothing real succeeds."

Marriage, End, Heaven, Nothing