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"Officer, I know I was going faster than 55MPH, but I wasn't going to be on theroad an hour."
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"The Law of Cause and Effect is as active in your life as the Law of Gravity. It teaches us that for every action there is a reaction."
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Personal Development
"The police frequently do not enforce the rule of law."
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Personal Development
"The sovereign is called a tyrant who knows no laws but his caprice."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Modesty forbids what the law does not."
Author Name
Personal Development
"My biggest problem is that my flight is to depart from Denpasar International Airport in Indonesia, where the penalty for drug trafficking is death by firing squad."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Litigant: a person about to give up his skin for the hope of retaining his bone."
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Personal Development
"Pray: To ask the laws of the universe to be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy."
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Personal Development
"Appeal in law: to put the dice into the box for another throw."
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Personal Development
"The world is so lawful that not even a single mosquito can touch you, as long as you do not interfere. If your interference stops, everything will stop."
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Personal Development
"Arms discourage and keep the invader and plunderer in awe, and preserve order in the world as well as property... Horrid mischief would ensue were the law-abiding deprived of the use of them."
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Personal Development
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"What happens if you get scared half to death twice?"
Humor
"People may think I'm trying something new by telling stories, but they're just jokes connected to give the illusion of stories. But really, I just continue using my imagination and creating. That's what I do."
Art
"It was the first time I was ever in love, and I learned a lot. Before that I'd never even thought about killing myself."
Romance
"You know those things that you throw the twigs into and it spits them out? That's what I do. The branches are like life, and I throw them into my head and some of it comes out as humor."
Creativity
"I named my dog Stay, so I can say, 'Come here, Stay! Come here, Stay!"
Humor
"When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect, then they told me nobody's perfect so I stopped practicing."
Logic
"If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?"
Paradox
"If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?"
Psychology
"I like George Carlin's jokes. I like his humor. He's one of my heroes, and I like what he did with talking about everyday things."
Influence
"I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed reading accident. I hit a book mark and flew across the room."
Comedy
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