Quotes by Humorist | Beyond Motive

"Time is money, especially when you are talking to a lawyer or buying a commercial."

"Time is money, especially when you are talking to a lawyer or buying a commercial."

Frank Dane, American Humorist

Time, Money, Buying, Talking

185

"The way to a woman's heart is through your wallet."

"The way to a woman's heart is through your wallet."

Frank Dane, American Humorist

Heart, Woman

115

"The fewer the facts, the stronger the opinion."

"The fewer the facts, the stronger the opinion."

Arnold H. Glasow, American Humorist

Fact, Facts, Opinion

103

"A diplomat is a person who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip."

"A diplomat is a person who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip."

Caskie Stinnett, American Humorist

Hell,

97

"Life is strange. Every so often a good man wins."

"Life is strange. Every so often a good man wins."

Frank Dane, American Humorist

Life, Man

93

"All some folks want is their fair share and yours."

"All some folks want is their fair share and yours."

Arnold H. Glasow, American Humorist

Want,

89

"The true measure of your worth includes all the benefits others have gained from your success."

"The true measure of your worth includes all the benefits others have gained from your success."

Cullen Hightower, American Humorist

Success, Benefits, Measure, Worth

87

"It is harder to conceal ignorance than to acquire knowledge."

"It is harder to conceal ignorance than to acquire knowledge."

Arnold H. Glasow, American Humorist

Knowledge, Ignorance, Arnold H. Glasgow

81

"Get all the fools on your side and you can be elected to anything."

"Get all the fools on your side and you can be elected to anything."

Frank Dane, American Humorist

Fool, Fools

75

"A conservative is a fellow who thinks a rich man should have a square deal."

"A conservative is a fellow who thinks a rich man should have a square deal."

Frank Dane, American Humorist

Conservative, Man

74

"Happy is the person who knows what to remember of the past, what to enjoy in the present, and what to plan for in the future."

"Happy is the person who knows what to remember of the past, what to enjoy in the present, and what to plan for in the future."

Arnold H. Glasow, American Humorist

Future, Past, Present, Arnold H. Glasgow

74

"The key to everything is patience. You get the chicken by hatching the egg, not by smashing it."

"The key to everything is patience. You get the chicken by hatching the egg, not by smashing it."

Arnold H. Glasow, American Humorist

Key, Patience

71

"A liberal is a man who will give away everything he doesn't own."

"A liberal is a man who will give away everything he doesn't own."

Frank Dane, American Humorist

Liberal, Man, Will

67

"Ideas not coupled with action never become bigger than the brain cells they occupied."

"Ideas not coupled with action never become bigger than the brain cells they occupied."

Arnold H. Glasow, American Humorist

Ideas, Action, Arnold H. Glasgow

66

"Some have greatness thrust upon them, but not lately."

"Some have greatness thrust upon them, but not lately."

Frank Dane, American Humorist

Greatness,

66

"Alimony is like buying oats for a dead horse."

"Alimony is like buying oats for a dead horse."

Arthur Baer, American Humorist

Buying,

65

"Laughter is a tranquilizer with no side effects."

"Laughter is a tranquilizer with no side effects."

Arnold H. Glasow, American Humorist

Laughter,

65

"Improvement begins with I."

Arnold H. Glasow, American Humorist

Improvement,

64

"Talk is cheap - except when Congress does it."

"Talk is cheap - except when Congress does it."

Cullen Hightower, American Humorist

Congress, Talk

64

"Rome had Senators too, that's why it declined."

"Rome had Senators too, that's why it declined."

Frank Dane, American Humorist

Rome, Senators

62

"In polite society one laughs at all the jokes, including the ones one has heard before."

"In polite society one laughs at all the jokes, including the ones one has heard before."

Frank Dane, American Humorist

Society, Jokes

61

"Nothing annoys a woman more than to have company drop in unexpectedly and find the house looking as it usually does."

"Nothing annoys a woman more than to have company drop in unexpectedly and find the house looking as it usually does."

Frank Dane, American Humorist

Company, Nothing, Woman

61

"She used to diet on any kind of food she could lay her hands on."

"She used to diet on any kind of food she could lay her hands on."

Arthur Baer, American Humorist

Diet, Food

60

"The trouble with the future is that is usually arrives before we're ready for it."

"The trouble with the future is that is usually arrives before we're ready for it."

Arnold H. Glasow, American Humorist

Future, Trouble, Arnold H. Glasgow

60

"Make your life a mission - not an intermission."

"Make your life a mission - not an intermission."

Arnold H. Glasow, American Humorist

Life, Mission, Arnold H. Glasgow

60

"Nothing lasts forever - not even your troubles."

"Nothing lasts forever - not even your troubles."

Arnold H. Glasow, American Humorist

Nothing, Arnold H. Glasgow

59

"Lefty Grove could throw a lamb chop past a wolf."

"Lefty Grove could throw a lamb chop past a wolf."

Arthur Baer, American Humorist

Past,

59

"A good leader takes a little more than his share of the blame, a little less than his share of the credit."

"A good leader takes a little more than his share of the blame, a little less than his share of the credit."

Arnold H. Glasow, American Humorist

Leader, Blame, Credit, Arnold H. Glasgow

58

"Envy is the art of counting the other fellow's blessings instead of your own."

"Envy is the art of counting the other fellow's blessings instead of your own."

Harold Coffin, American Humorist

Art, Blessings, Envy

57

"A newspaper is a circulating library with high blood pressure."

"A newspaper is a circulating library with high blood pressure."

Arthur Baer, American Humorist

Blood, Pressure

56

"Nothing splendid was ever created in cold blood. Heat is required to forge anything. Every great accomplishment is the story of a flaming heart."

"Nothing splendid was ever created in cold blood. Heat is required to forge anything. Every great accomplishment is the story of a flaming heart."

Arnold H. Glasow, American Humorist

Heart, Accomplishment, Blood, Nothing

56

"It is not necessary to have enemies if you go out of your way to make friends hate you."

"It is not necessary to have enemies if you go out of your way to make friends hate you."

Frank Dane, American Humorist

Enemy, Enemies, Friends, Hate

56

"Corporations cannot commit treason, or be outlawed or excommunicated, for they have no souls."

"Corporations cannot commit treason, or be outlawed or excommunicated, for they have no souls."

Harold Coffin, American Humorist

Corporations, Treason

56

"Ignorance is never out of style. It was in fashion yesterday, it is the rage today and it will set the pace tomorrow."

"Ignorance is never out of style. It was in fashion yesterday, it is the rage today and it will set the pace tomorrow."

Frank Dane, American Humorist

Fashion, Ignorance, Style, Today

55

"A good neighbor is a fellow who smiles at you over the back fence, but doesn't climb over it."

"A good neighbor is a fellow who smiles at you over the back fence, but doesn't climb over it."

Arthur Baer, American Humorist

Smile, Smiles

55

"Preachers denounce sin as if it was available to everyone."

"Preachers denounce sin as if it was available to everyone."

Frank Dane, American Humorist

Sin,

55

"Progress is what happens when impossibility yields to necessity."

"Progress is what happens when impossibility yields to necessity."

Arnold H. Glasow, American Humorist

Progress, Impossibility, Necessity, Arnold H. Glasgow

54

"Telling a teenager the facts of life is like giving a fish a bath."

"Telling a teenager the facts of life is like giving a fish a bath."

Arnold H. Glasow, American Humorist

Life, Facts, Fish, Giving

54

"Sometimes we deny being worthy of praise, hoping to generate an argument we would be pleased to lose."

"Sometimes we deny being worthy of praise, hoping to generate an argument we would be pleased to lose."

Cullen Hightower, American Humorist

Argument, Being, Praise

54

"Expecting something for nothing is the most popular form of hope."

"Expecting something for nothing is the most popular form of hope."

Arnold H. Glasow, American Humorist

Hope, Nothing, Popular

53

"In the business world an executive knows something about everything, a technician knows everything about something and the switchboard operator knows everything."

"In the business world an executive knows something about everything, a technician knows everything about something and the switchboard operator knows everything."

Harold Coffin, American Humorist

Business, World

53

"An idea not coupled with action will never get any bigger than the brain cell it occupied."

"An idea not coupled with action will never get any bigger than the brain cell it occupied."

Arnold H. Glasow, American Humorist

Idea, Action, Will

53

"A true measure of your worth includes all the benefits others have gained from your success."

"A true measure of your worth includes all the benefits others have gained from your success."

Cullen Hightower, American Humorist

Success, Benefits, Measure, Worth

53

"Praise does wonders for our sense of hearing."

"Praise does wonders for our sense of hearing."

Arnold H. Glasow, American Humorist

Hearing, Praise, Sense, Wonders

52

"It was as helpful as throwing a drowning man both ends of the rope."

"It was as helpful as throwing a drowning man both ends of the rope."

Arthur Baer, American Humorist

Man,

52

"A true friend never gets in your way unless you happen to be going down."

"A true friend never gets in your way unless you happen to be going down."

Arnold H. Glasow, American Humorist

Friendship, Friend

51

"One often learns more from ten days of agony than from ten years of contentment."

"One often learns more from ten days of agony than from ten years of contentment."

Harold Coffin, American Humorist

Contentment, Years

50

"Middle age is the awkward period when Father Time starts catching up with Mother Nature."

"Middle age is the awkward period when Father Time starts catching up with Mother Nature."

Harold Coffin, American Humorist

Age, Nature, Time, Mother

50

"We may not imagine how our lives could be more frustrating and complex - but Congress can."

"We may not imagine how our lives could be more frustrating and complex - but Congress can."

Cullen Hightower, American Humorist

Congress, May

50

"His insomnia was so bad, he couldn't sleep during office hours."

"His insomnia was so bad, he couldn't sleep during office hours."

Arthur Baer, American Humorist

Office, Sleep