Quotes by Humorist | Beyond Motive

"Time is money, especially when you are talking to a lawyer or buying a commercial."

"Time is money, especially when you are talking to a lawyer or buying a commercial."

Frank Dane, American Humorist

Time, Money, Buying, Talking

144

"The way to a woman's heart is through your wallet."

"The way to a woman's heart is through your wallet."

Frank Dane, American Humorist

Heart, Woman

75

"The fewer the facts, the stronger the opinion."

"The fewer the facts, the stronger the opinion."

Arnold H. Glasow, American Humorist

Fact, Facts, Opinion

69

"A diplomat is a person who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip."

"A diplomat is a person who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip."

Caskie Stinnett, American Humorist

Hell,

67

"Life is strange. Every so often a good man wins."

"Life is strange. Every so often a good man wins."

Frank Dane, American Humorist

Life, Man

66

"The true measure of your worth includes all the benefits others have gained from your success."

"The true measure of your worth includes all the benefits others have gained from your success."

Cullen Hightower, American Humorist

Success, Benefits, Measure, Worth

55

"All some folks want is their fair share and yours."

"All some folks want is their fair share and yours."

Arnold H. Glasow, American Humorist

Want,

52

"Get all the fools on your side and you can be elected to anything."

"Get all the fools on your side and you can be elected to anything."

Frank Dane, American Humorist

Fool, Fools

47

"A conservative is a fellow who thinks a rich man should have a square deal."

"A conservative is a fellow who thinks a rich man should have a square deal."

Frank Dane, American Humorist

Conservative, Man

46

"It is harder to conceal ignorance than to acquire knowledge."

"It is harder to conceal ignorance than to acquire knowledge."

Arnold H. Glasow, American Humorist

Knowledge, Ignorance, Arnold H. Glasgow

41

"Happy is the person who knows what to remember of the past, what to enjoy in the present, and what to plan for in the future."

"Happy is the person who knows what to remember of the past, what to enjoy in the present, and what to plan for in the future."

Arnold H. Glasow, American Humorist

Future, Past, Present, Arnold H. Glasgow

39

"Laughter is a tranquilizer with no side effects."

"Laughter is a tranquilizer with no side effects."

Arnold H. Glasow, American Humorist

Laughter,

38

"Envy is the art of counting the other fellow's blessings instead of your own."

"Envy is the art of counting the other fellow's blessings instead of your own."

Harold Coffin, American Humorist

Art, Blessings, Envy

37

"Ideas not coupled with action never become bigger than the brain cells they occupied."

"Ideas not coupled with action never become bigger than the brain cells they occupied."

Arnold H. Glasow, American Humorist

Ideas, Action, Arnold H. Glasgow

37

"A good neighbor is a fellow who smiles at you over the back fence, but doesn't climb over it."

"A good neighbor is a fellow who smiles at you over the back fence, but doesn't climb over it."

Arthur Baer, American Humorist

Smile, Smiles

35

"A liberal is a man who will give away everything he doesn't own."

"A liberal is a man who will give away everything he doesn't own."

Frank Dane, American Humorist

Liberal, Man, Will

35

"In polite society one laughs at all the jokes, including the ones one has heard before."

"In polite society one laughs at all the jokes, including the ones one has heard before."

Frank Dane, American Humorist

Society, Jokes

34

"Rome had Senators too, that's why it declined."

"Rome had Senators too, that's why it declined."

Frank Dane, American Humorist

Rome, Senators

34

"The key to everything is patience. You get the chicken by hatching the egg, not by smashing it."

"The key to everything is patience. You get the chicken by hatching the egg, not by smashing it."

Arnold H. Glasow, American Humorist

Key, Patience

34

"Make your life a mission - not an intermission."

"Make your life a mission - not an intermission."

Arnold H. Glasow, American Humorist

Life, Mission, Arnold H. Glasgow

34

"Alimony is like buying oats for a dead horse."

"Alimony is like buying oats for a dead horse."

Arthur Baer, American Humorist

Buying,

33

"Talk is cheap - except when Congress does it."

"Talk is cheap - except when Congress does it."

Cullen Hightower, American Humorist

Congress, Talk

33

"Nothing splendid was ever created in cold blood. Heat is required to forge anything. Every great accomplishment is the story of a flaming heart."

"Nothing splendid was ever created in cold blood. Heat is required to forge anything. Every great accomplishment is the story of a flaming heart."

Arnold H. Glasow, American Humorist

Heart, Accomplishment, Blood, Nothing

33

"An idea not coupled with action will never get any bigger than the brain cell it occupied."

"An idea not coupled with action will never get any bigger than the brain cell it occupied."

Arnold H. Glasow, American Humorist

Idea, Action, Will

33

"Progress is what happens when impossibility yields to necessity."

"Progress is what happens when impossibility yields to necessity."

Arnold H. Glasow, American Humorist

Progress, Impossibility, Necessity, Arnold H. Glasgow

32

"Telling a teenager the facts of life is like giving a fish a bath."

"Telling a teenager the facts of life is like giving a fish a bath."

Arnold H. Glasow, American Humorist

Life, Facts, Fish, Giving

32

"She used to diet on any kind of food she could lay her hands on."

"She used to diet on any kind of food she could lay her hands on."

Arthur Baer, American Humorist

Diet, Food

31

"Improvement begins with I."

Arnold H. Glasow, American Humorist

Improvement,

30

"It is not necessary to have enemies if you go out of your way to make friends hate you."

"It is not necessary to have enemies if you go out of your way to make friends hate you."

Frank Dane, American Humorist

Enemy, Enemies, Friends, Hate

30

"Praise does wonders for our sense of hearing."

"Praise does wonders for our sense of hearing."

Arnold H. Glasow, American Humorist

Hearing, Praise, Sense, Wonders

29

"Expecting something for nothing is the most popular form of hope."

"Expecting something for nothing is the most popular form of hope."

Arnold H. Glasow, American Humorist

Hope, Nothing, Popular

29

"Nothing annoys a woman more than to have company drop in unexpectedly and find the house looking as it usually does."

"Nothing annoys a woman more than to have company drop in unexpectedly and find the house looking as it usually does."

Frank Dane, American Humorist

Company, Nothing, Woman

29

"The trouble with the future is that is usually arrives before we're ready for it."

"The trouble with the future is that is usually arrives before we're ready for it."

Arnold H. Glasow, American Humorist

Future, Trouble, Arnold H. Glasgow

29

"A true friend never gets in your way unless you happen to be going down."

"A true friend never gets in your way unless you happen to be going down."

Arnold H. Glasow, American Humorist

Friendship, Friend

28

"Nothing lasts forever - not even your troubles."

"Nothing lasts forever - not even your troubles."

Arnold H. Glasow, American Humorist

Nothing, Arnold H. Glasgow

28

"Some have greatness thrust upon them, but not lately."

"Some have greatness thrust upon them, but not lately."

Frank Dane, American Humorist

Greatness,

28

"In the business world an executive knows something about everything, a technician knows everything about something and the switchboard operator knows everything."

"In the business world an executive knows something about everything, a technician knows everything about something and the switchboard operator knows everything."

Harold Coffin, American Humorist

Business, World

28

"Lefty Grove could throw a lamb chop past a wolf."

"Lefty Grove could throw a lamb chop past a wolf."

Arthur Baer, American Humorist

Past,

28

"Fear is the lengthened shadow of ignorance."

"Fear is the lengthened shadow of ignorance."

Arnold H. Glasow, American Humorist

Fear, Ignorance, Shadow

27

"Preachers denounce sin as if it was available to everyone."

"Preachers denounce sin as if it was available to everyone."

Frank Dane, American Humorist

Sin,

26

"Sometimes we deny being worthy of praise, hoping to generate an argument we would be pleased to lose."

"Sometimes we deny being worthy of praise, hoping to generate an argument we would be pleased to lose."

Cullen Hightower, American Humorist

Argument, Being, Praise

26

"Success is simple. Do what's right, the right way, at the right time."

"Success is simple. Do what's right, the right way, at the right time."

Arnold H. Glasow, American Humorist

Success, Time, Right

26

"Ignorance is never out of style. It was in fashion yesterday, it is the rage today and it will set the pace tomorrow."

"Ignorance is never out of style. It was in fashion yesterday, it is the rage today and it will set the pace tomorrow."

Frank Dane, American Humorist

Fashion, Ignorance, Style, Today

25

"A newspaper is a circulating library with high blood pressure."

"A newspaper is a circulating library with high blood pressure."

Arthur Baer, American Humorist

Blood, Pressure

25

"Corporations cannot commit treason, or be outlawed or excommunicated, for they have no souls."

"Corporations cannot commit treason, or be outlawed or excommunicated, for they have no souls."

Harold Coffin, American Humorist

Corporations, Treason

25

"It was as helpful as throwing a drowning man both ends of the rope."

"It was as helpful as throwing a drowning man both ends of the rope."

Arthur Baer, American Humorist

Man,

25

"I don't know why I ever come in here. The flies get the best of everything."

"I don't know why I ever come in here. The flies get the best of everything."

Otis Criblecoblis, American Humorist

Flies,

25

"I was in love with a beautiful blonde once. She drove me to drink. That's the one thing I'm indebted to her for."

"I was in love with a beautiful blonde once. She drove me to drink. That's the one thing I'm indebted to her for."

Otis Criblecoblis, American Humorist

Love,

25

"Faith is building on what you know is here, so you can reach what you know is there."

"Faith is building on what you know is here, so you can reach what you know is there."

Cullen Hightower, American Humorist

Faith, Building

24

"I travel a lot; I hate having my life disrupted by routine."

"I travel a lot; I hate having my life disrupted by routine."

Caskie Stinnett, American Humorist

Life, Travel, Hate, Routine