Quotes by Humorist | Beyond Motive

"Time is money, especially when you are talking to a lawyer or buying a commercial."

"Time is money, especially when you are talking to a lawyer or buying a commercial."

Frank Dane, American Humorist

Time, Money, Buying, Talking

52

"Life is strange. Every so often a good man wins."

"Life is strange. Every so often a good man wins."

Frank Dane, American Humorist

Life, Man

27

"The fewer the facts, the stronger the opinion."

"The fewer the facts, the stronger the opinion."

Arnold H. Glasow, American Humorist

Fact, Facts, Opinion

24

"All some folks want is their fair share and yours."

"All some folks want is their fair share and yours."

Arnold H. Glasow, American Humorist

Want,

20

"Get all the fools on your side and you can be elected to anything."

"Get all the fools on your side and you can be elected to anything."

Frank Dane, American Humorist

Fool, Fools

18

"A conservative is a fellow who thinks a rich man should have a square deal."

"A conservative is a fellow who thinks a rich man should have a square deal."

Frank Dane, American Humorist

Conservative, Man

12

"The way to a woman's heart is through your wallet."

"The way to a woman's heart is through your wallet."

Frank Dane, American Humorist

Heart, Woman

11

"Envy is the art of counting the other fellow's blessings instead of your own."

"Envy is the art of counting the other fellow's blessings instead of your own."

Harold Coffin, American Humorist

Art, Blessings, Envy

10

"The true measure of your worth includes all the benefits others have gained from your success."

"The true measure of your worth includes all the benefits others have gained from your success."

Cullen Hightower, American Humorist

Success, Benefits, Measure, Worth

8

"Nothing splendid was ever created in cold blood. Heat is required to forge anything. Every great accomplishment is the story of a flaming heart."

"Nothing splendid was ever created in cold blood. Heat is required to forge anything. Every great accomplishment is the story of a flaming heart."

Arnold H. Glasow, American Humorist

Heart, Accomplishment, Blood, Nothing

7

"Nothing annoys a woman more than to have company drop in unexpectedly and find the house looking as it usually does."

"Nothing annoys a woman more than to have company drop in unexpectedly and find the house looking as it usually does."

Frank Dane, American Humorist

Company, Nothing, Woman

7

"Laughter is a tranquilizer with no side effects."

"Laughter is a tranquilizer with no side effects."

Arnold H. Glasow, American Humorist

Laughter,

7

"Telling a teenager the facts of life is like giving a fish a bath."

"Telling a teenager the facts of life is like giving a fish a bath."

Arnold H. Glasow, American Humorist

Life, Facts, Fish, Giving

6

"An idea not coupled with action will never get any bigger than the brain cell it occupied."

"An idea not coupled with action will never get any bigger than the brain cell it occupied."

Arnold H. Glasow, American Humorist

Idea, Action, Will

6

"Alimony is like buying oats for a dead horse."

"Alimony is like buying oats for a dead horse."

Arthur Baer, American Humorist

Buying,

5

"Faith is building on what you know is here, so you can reach what you know is there."

"Faith is building on what you know is here, so you can reach what you know is there."

Cullen Hightower, American Humorist

Faith, Building

5

"One of the tests of leadership is the ability to recognize a problem before it becomes an emergency."

"One of the tests of leadership is the ability to recognize a problem before it becomes an emergency."

Arnold H. Glasow, American Humorist

Leadership, Ability, Tests

5

"A liberal is a man who will give away everything he doesn't own."

"A liberal is a man who will give away everything he doesn't own."

Frank Dane, American Humorist

Liberal, Man, Will

5

"One often learns more from ten days of agony than from ten years of contentment."

"One often learns more from ten days of agony than from ten years of contentment."

Harold Coffin, American Humorist

Contentment, Years

4

"Talk is cheap - except when Congress does it."

"Talk is cheap - except when Congress does it."

Cullen Hightower, American Humorist

Congress, Talk

4

"Happy is the person who knows what to remember of the past, what to enjoy in the present, and what to plan for in the future."

"Happy is the person who knows what to remember of the past, what to enjoy in the present, and what to plan for in the future."

Arnold H. Glasow, American Humorist

Future, Past, Present, Arnold H. Glasgow

4

"In polite society one laughs at all the jokes, including the ones one has heard before."

"In polite society one laughs at all the jokes, including the ones one has heard before."

Frank Dane, American Humorist

Society, Jokes

4

"The key to everything is patience. You get the chicken by hatching the egg, not by smashing it."

"The key to everything is patience. You get the chicken by hatching the egg, not by smashing it."

Arnold H. Glasow, American Humorist

Key, Patience

4

"A true measure of your worth includes all the benefits others have gained from your success."

"A true measure of your worth includes all the benefits others have gained from your success."

Cullen Hightower, American Humorist

Success, Benefits, Measure, Worth

4

"The only thing worse than an active conscience is one that's retroactive."

"The only thing worse than an active conscience is one that's retroactive."

Harold Coffin, American Humorist

Conscience,

3

"Ignorance is never out of style. It was in fashion yesterday, it is the rage today and it will set the pace tomorrow."

"Ignorance is never out of style. It was in fashion yesterday, it is the rage today and it will set the pace tomorrow."

Frank Dane, American Humorist

Fashion, Ignorance, Style, Today

3

"Praise does wonders for our sense of hearing."

"Praise does wonders for our sense of hearing."

Arnold H. Glasow, American Humorist

Hearing, Praise, Sense, Wonders

3

"Ideas not coupled with action never become bigger than the brain cells they occupied."

"Ideas not coupled with action never become bigger than the brain cells they occupied."

Arnold H. Glasow, American Humorist

Ideas, Action, Arnold H. Glasgow

3

"A good neighbor is a fellow who smiles at you over the back fence, but doesn't climb over it."

"A good neighbor is a fellow who smiles at you over the back fence, but doesn't climb over it."

Arthur Baer, American Humorist

Smile, Smiles

3

"It is harder to conceal ignorance than to acquire knowledge."

"It is harder to conceal ignorance than to acquire knowledge."

Arnold H. Glasow, American Humorist

Knowledge, Ignorance, Arnold H. Glasgow

3

"Progress is what happens when impossibility yields to necessity."

"Progress is what happens when impossibility yields to necessity."

Arnold H. Glasow, American Humorist

Progress, Impossibility, Necessity, Arnold H. Glasgow

3

"A newspaper is a circulating library with high blood pressure."

"A newspaper is a circulating library with high blood pressure."

Arthur Baer, American Humorist

Blood, Pressure

3

"She used to diet on any kind of food she could lay her hands on."

"She used to diet on any kind of food she could lay her hands on."

Arthur Baer, American Humorist

Diet, Food

3

"Nothing lasts forever - not even your troubles."

"Nothing lasts forever - not even your troubles."

Arnold H. Glasow, American Humorist

Nothing, Arnold H. Glasgow

3

"People seldom become famous for what they say until after they are famous for what they've done."

"People seldom become famous for what they say until after they are famous for what they've done."

Cullen Hightower, American Humorist

People, Famous

3

"Expecting something for nothing is the most popular form of hope."

"Expecting something for nothing is the most popular form of hope."

Arnold H. Glasow, American Humorist

Hope, Nothing, Popular

3

"In the business world an executive knows something about everything, a technician knows everything about something and the switchboard operator knows everything."

"In the business world an executive knows something about everything, a technician knows everything about something and the switchboard operator knows everything."

Harold Coffin, American Humorist

Business, World

3

"Sometimes we deny being worthy of praise, hoping to generate an argument we would be pleased to lose."

"Sometimes we deny being worthy of praise, hoping to generate an argument we would be pleased to lose."

Cullen Hightower, American Humorist

Argument, Being, Praise

3

"Success is simple. Do what's right, the right way, at the right time."

"Success is simple. Do what's right, the right way, at the right time."

Arnold H. Glasow, American Humorist

Success, Time, Right

3

"There can be a fundamental gulf of gracelessness in a human heart which neither our love nor our courage can bridge."

"There can be a fundamental gulf of gracelessness in a human heart which neither our love nor our courage can bridge."

Patrick Campbell, British Humorist

Love, Heart, Courage

2

"Worry compounds the futility of being trapped on a dead-end street. Thinking opens new avenues."

"Worry compounds the futility of being trapped on a dead-end street. Thinking opens new avenues."

Cullen Hightower, American Humorist

Being, Thinking, Worry

2

"The mistakes made by Congress wouldn't be so bad if the next Congress didn't keep trying to correct them."

"The mistakes made by Congress wouldn't be so bad if the next Congress didn't keep trying to correct them."

Cullen Hightower, American Humorist

Congress, Mistakes, Trying

2

"It is not necessary to have enemies if you go out of your way to make friends hate you."

"It is not necessary to have enemies if you go out of your way to make friends hate you."

Frank Dane, American Humorist

Enemy, Enemies, Friends, Hate

2

"What the country needs are a few labor-making inventions."

"What the country needs are a few labor-making inventions."

Arnold H. Glasow, American Humorist

Country, Inventions, Labor, Needs

2

"Middle age is the awkward period when Father Time starts catching up with Mother Nature."

"Middle age is the awkward period when Father Time starts catching up with Mother Nature."

Harold Coffin, American Humorist

Age, Nature, Time, Mother

2

"A diplomat is a person who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip."

"A diplomat is a person who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip."

Caskie Stinnett, American Humorist

Hell,

2

"Live so that your friends can defend you but never have to."

"Live so that your friends can defend you but never have to."

Arnold H. Glasow, American Humorist

Friendship, Friends

2

"We may not imagine how our lives could be more frustrating and complex - but Congress can."

"We may not imagine how our lives could be more frustrating and complex - but Congress can."

Cullen Hightower, American Humorist

Congress, May

2

"Lefty Grove could throw a lamb chop past a wolf."

"Lefty Grove could throw a lamb chop past a wolf."

Arthur Baer, American Humorist

Past,

2

"The news of any politician's death should be listed under "Public Improvements.""

"The news of any politician's death should be listed under "Public Improvements.""

Frank Dane, American Humorist

Death, News