"Time is money, especially when you are talking to a lawyer or buying a commercial."

"Get all the fools on your side and you can be elected to anything."

"Preachers denounce sin as if it was available to everyone."

"Rome had Senators too, that's why it declined."

"The way to a woman's heart is through your wallet."

"A liberal is a man who will give away everything he doesn't own."

"Nothing annoys a woman more than to have company drop in unexpectedly and find the house looking as it usually does."

"In polite society one laughs at all the jokes, including the ones one has heard before."

"Some have greatness thrust upon them, but not lately."

"It is not necessary to have enemies if you go out of your way to make friends hate you."

"The news of any politician's death should be listed under "Public Improvements.""

"Life is strange. Every so often a good man wins."

"A conservative is a fellow who thinks a rich man should have a square deal."

"Ignorance is never out of style. It was in fashion yesterday, it is the rage today and it will set the pace tomorrow."