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"Early to rise and early to bed makes a man healthy, wealthy, and dead."
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"When I'm in bed with a woman, my favorite move is a wrestling hold called the lip lock."
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Personal Development
"Being married means I can break wind and eat ice cream in bed."
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Personal Development
"Yeah, what happened was Universal wanted one of the characters to be nice so they chose me so there was a scene where the girl was tied to the bed and I let her go."
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Personal Development
"I do have odd habits. I check under my bed every night for the bogeyman. That's just a little thing, though."
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Personal Development
"I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again."
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Personal Development
"On the soft bed of luxury many kingdoms have expired."
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Personal Development
"A bedroom requires a bed. Everything else was extravagance. Well, he had a bed all right."
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Personal Development
"Your English style will no doubt put all the other gentlemen to bed. I speak figuratively, of course."
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Personal Development
"In bed at night, I could be reading some book, and I'll come across a sentence that's totally unrelated to some scene I did years ago. But I'll play the scene back in my mind and think, I did that wrong - I should've opened the door more slowly."
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Personal Development
"Willie Mays was the best ever. When I was in college I once made a catch like the one Mays made over his head. Sometimes when I'm lying in bed at night I think about it. It still makes me warm."
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"Comedy has to be done en clair. You can't blunt the edge of wit or the point of satire with obscurity. Try to imagine a famous witty saying that is not immediately clear."
Comedy
"The appreciative smile, the chuckle, the soundless mirth, so important to the success of comedy, cannot be understood unless one sits among the audience and feels the warmth created by the quality of laughter that the audience takes home with it."
Home
"A word to the wise is not sufficient if it doesn't make sense."
Sense
"Boys are beyond the range of anybody's sure understanding, at least when they are between the ages of 18 months and 90 years."
Boys
"Man is flying too fast for a world that is round. Soon he will catch up with himself in a great rear end collision."
End
"Discussion in America means dissent."
America
"There is no safety in numbers, or in anything else."
Numbers
"The nation that complacently and fearfully allows its artists and writers to become suspected rather than respected is no longer regarded as a nation possessed with humor or depth."
Humor
"The difference between our decadence and the Russians' is that while theirs is brutal, ours is apathetic."
Difference
"One martini is all right. Two are too many, and three are not enough."
Right
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