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"A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths."
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"I am not for raising taxes on the American people in a soft economy."

"I do think you feel a little bit like you are preying on people's lives."

"Processed pig is white trash meat. Some people call it Spam."

"The next release of mainline is going to have a lot of the advanced features people want, by the way."
Explore more quotes by Steven Wright


"I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed reading accident. I hit a book mark and flew across the room."


"I stayed up all night playing poker with tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died."


"The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing."


"When I turned two I was really anxious, because I'd doubled my age in a year.I thought, if this keeps up, by the time I'm six I'll be ninety."


"I paint; I draw and paint - I've been doing that since I was in third grade, drawing realistically and then changing to abstract art. That was my first creative thing before guitar or comedy."


"People may think I'm trying something new by telling stories, but they're just jokes connected to give the illusion of stories. But really, I just continue using my imagination and creating. That's what I do."
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