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Ralph Kiner

"If Casey Stengel were alive today, he'd be spinning in his grave."

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"If Casey Stengel were alive today, he'd be spinning in his grave."

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Akiroq Brost

"If it weren't for the last minute nothing would get done."

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"When you love someone, you don't care that she ate your sandwich. You only hope she found it delicious."

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"Some kleptomaniacs do not steal things only; they also, while some only, steal lovers."

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"You know, Aunt Tasha makes jokes about how youE1d actually be a better queen than the others, except sometimes . . . I donE1t think sheE1s joking."

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"A tie is what you get after ice cubes have wrestled with hot water."

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Akiroq Brost

"Zombies are far better than religious people, because they do not discriminate in killing."

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"Your party kicked so much ass!Even though you suck so much! It's like, instead of blood, your heart pumps liquid suck! But thanks for the beer!"

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"Some people make spectacles of themselves with a couple of glasses."

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Akiroq Brost

"I've stopped drinking, but only while I'm asleep."

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Akiroq Brost

"Everyone has a sense of humor. If you don't laugh at jokes, you probably laugh at opinions."

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"Darryl Strawberry has been voted to the Hall of Fame five years in a row."
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"You know what they say about Chicago. If you don't like the weather, wait fifteen minutes."
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"Cadillacs are down at the end of the bat."
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Ralph Kiner
"If Casey Stengel were alive today, he'd be spinning in his grave."
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