"Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said."

Humor, Children, Repetition, Honesty, Speech

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"Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said."

Exlpore more Humor quotes

"Ma'am,' Augustus said, nodding toward her, 'your daughter's car has just been deservedly egged by a blind man. Please close the door and go back inside or we'll be forced to call the police.' After wavering for a moment, Monica's mom closed the door and disappeared."

John Green, American Author

Humor, Police, Interaction, Social

"I liked that he was a tenured professor in the Department of Slightly Crooked Smiles with a dual appointments in the Department of Having a Voice that Made My Skin Feel More Like Skin."

John Green, American Author

Humor, Personality, Identity, Education

"I guess when you turn off the main road, you have to be prepared to see some funny houses."

Stephen King, American Author

Humor, Funny, Houses, Road

"What is it with you today? says Christina on the way to breakfast. Her eyes are stillswollen from sleep and her tangled hair forms a fuzzy halo around her face."Oh, you know, I say. "Sun shining. Birds chirping.She raises an eyebrow at me, as if reminding me that we are in an undergroundtunnel."

Veronica Roth, American Author

Humor, Sun, Birds, Morning

"O, that he were here to write me down an ass! But, masters, remember, that I am an ass; though it be not written down, yet forget not that I am an ass."

William Shakespeare, English Dramatist

Humor, Truth, Life, Identity

"In a way, a lot of my humor comes from presenting things that are dramatic or shocking and then people not having socially appropriate responses, having people denying the drama by failing to react to it, and that's a really classic form of humor."

Chuck Palahniuk, American Novelist

Humor, Drama, Social, Behavior

"Sergeant Colon of the Ankh-Morpork City Guard was on duty. He was guarding the Brass Bridge, the main link between Ankh and Morpork. From theft.When it came to crime prevention, Sergeant Colon found it safest to think big."

Terry Pratchett, English Author

Humor, Crime, Duty, Irony

"I just don't- Ronan. My ears are bleeding!"Ronan turned down the music."

Maggie Stiefvater, American Author

Humor, Music, Pain, Friendship

"Ben, if you get pee in my brand-new car, I am going to cut your balls off."Still peeing, Ben looks over at me smirking. "You re gonna need a hell of a big knife, bro."

John Green, American Author

Humor, Friendship, Warning, Relationship

"It's rude to stare, but the great thing about staring at a sedated person is that they don't know you're doing it."

Maggie Stiefvater, American Author

Humor, Observation, Consciousness, Behavior, Privacy

Explore more quotes by Anonymous

"Modern kitchen - where the pot calls the kettle chartreuse."

Humor, Kitchen, Home

"We're too young to want to stop living, because after all, we shouldn't stop something we haven't even started."

Life, Youth, Beginning, Living

"No man is truly married until he understands every word his wife is NOT saying."

Humor, Marriage, Understanding, Wife, Words

"Once you find your Happy space,you wouldnt be in the rat race."

Happiness, Space, Contentment, Life

"Night when deep sleep falleth on men."

Spiritual, Night, Sleep, Men, Deep

"Every way of a man is right in his own eyes, but the Lord pondereth the hearts."

Truth, Man, Right, Eyes, Heart

"Once my wife gave me a wonderful birthday present. She let me win an argument."

Relationship, Wife, Gift, Argument, Marriage

"His clear conscience is a result of a poor memory."

Psychology, Conscience, Memory, Mind

"Productive prayer requires earnestness not eloquence."

Spiritual, Prayer, Faith, Honesty, Effort

"I'm moving down here . . . because some of you in the back might not be able to hear my talk . . . and that wouldn't be fair to those who can hear it."

Humor, Movement, Communication, Fairness