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"I went down the street to the 24-hour grocery. When I got there, the guy was locking the front door. I said, 'Hey, the sign says you're open 24 hours.' He said, 'Yes, but not in a row.'"
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"If I become defensive and upset right away, then that's going to adversely affect how I deal with it and it's probably not going to be good press for me and probably be bad just because I'm angry. Just be open and pleasant."
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Personal Development
"This means keeping many trails open at once, inevitably requiring a fairly 'parallel' plot. This plot should be discovered rather than announced, so show, don't tell."
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Personal Development
"My brain is open."
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Personal Development
"It is still an open question, however, as to what extent exposure really injures a performer."
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Personal Development
"The minute a person whose word means a great deal to others dare to take the open-hearted and courageous way, many others follow."
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Personal Development
"The atmosphere was wide open in those circles that we traveled in."
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Personal Development
"I'm an open book."
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Personal Development
"If the heavens throw you dates, you got to keep your mouth open."
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Personal Development
"Don't tell a woman she's pretty; tell her there's no other woman like her, and all roads will open to you."
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Personal Development
"If it wasn't for Abe Lincoln, I'd still be on the open market."
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Personal Development
Explore more quotes by Steven Wright
"The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing."
Now
"There was a power outage at a department store yesterday. Twenty people were trapped on the escalators."
Power
"In Vegas, I got into a long argument with the man at the roulette wheel over what I considered to be an odd number."
Argument
"If one synchronised swimmer drowns, do all the rest have to drown too?"
Rest
"Ever notice how irons have a setting for permanent press? I don't get it."
Press
"Do you think that when they asked George Washington for ID that he just whipped out a quarter?"
Washington
"Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be if that didn't happen."
Ocean
"When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, "Did you sleep good?" I said "No, I made a few mistakes.""
Girlfriend
"I bought some instant water one time but I didn't know what to add to it."
Time
"I have an answering machine in my car. It says, I'm home now. But leave a message and I'll call when I'm out."
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