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"Some guy hit my fender, and I told him, 'Be fruitful and multiply,' but not in those words."
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Exlpore more Humor quotes
"I should curl up in a ball and cry. Instead i think about everything in the whole entire world that makes me angry - There is a lot, oh, there is a lot - and I start singing Justin Bieber at the top of my lungs."
"Don't panic. Are you sitting? You probably don't need to sit. Well, possibly. At least lean on something."
"Ma'am,' Augustus said, nodding toward her, 'your daughter's car has just been deservedly egged by a blind man. Please close the door and go back inside or we'll be forced to call the police.' After wavering for a moment, Monica's mom closed the door and disappeared."
"Be calm when your wife yells at you, calmer when she chastens you, but be terrified when she ignores you."
"And, whoa!" He turned to Mr.D. "Your the wine dude? No way!"Mr.D turned hi eyes away from me and gave Nico a look of loathing. "The wine dude?""Dionysus, right? Oh, wow! I've got your figurine!""My figurine.""In my game, Mythomagic. And holofoil card, too! And even though you've only got like five hundred attack points and everybody thinks your the lamest god card, I totally think your powers are sweet!""Ah." Mr.D seemed truly perplexed, which probably saved my life. "Well, that's...gratifying."
"Don't ask for a girl's hand in marriage and forget to ask for her leg too."
Explore more quotes by Woody Allen
"The artist's job is not to succumb to despair but to find an antidote for the emptiness of existence."
"Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too soon."
"I'm at the stage of life when if a girl says no to me I'm profoundly grateful to her."
"Those modern analysts they charge so much! In my day for five marks Freud himself would treat you. For ten marks he would treat you and press your pants. For fifteen marks Freud would let you treat him - that included a choice of any two vegetables."
"The worst that you can say about him (God) is that basically he's an underachiever."
"Sex between a man and a woman can be wonderful, provided you can get between the right man and the right woman."
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