"Whoopdie-friggin-doo, fooled you!"

Humor, Deception, Sarcasm, Irony

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"Fool me once, shame on youfool me twice, shame on mefool me thrice, I'm gonna get the frying pan!"

Anthony Liccione, American Author

Humor, Trust, Mistake, Learning

"As a comedian, the more you commit the sin of stupidity, three essential things happen to your life:~people applaud you incessantly.~love you more than their parents.~give you a daily bread."

Michael Bassey Johnson, Nigerian Philosopher

Humor, Comedy, Stupidity, Life, Love

"One who has both feet firmly planted in the air."

Anonymous, Unknown Unknown

Humor, Confusion, Logic, Irony

"My religion consists of laughing at myself. My motto is this: As long as there is a me, there is a reason to laugh out loud!"

C. JoyBell C., American Author

Humor, Self, Life, Joy

"Well, that depends, I suppose. I heard someone once say that men dance the same way they have sex. So, if you want everyone here to think you're the kind of guy who just sits around and-" He stood up. "Let's dance."

Richelle Mead, American Author

Humor, Dance, Sex, Judgment

"The cleverest woman finds a need for foolish admirers."

Anonymous, Unknown Unknown

Humor, Women, Needs, Attention

"Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual."

Terry Pratchett, English Author

Humor, Weight, Warning, Technology

"I was my own boss, but that all changed the day I got married."

Matshona Dhliwayo, Zimbabwean Philosopher

Humor, Marriage, Change, Responsibility, Life

"Could you hold the chainsaw a bit closer to your mouth, please?"

Chuck Palahniuk, American Novelist

Humor, Death, Danger, Irony

"I went to the kitchen and felt-up the turkey."

Charles Bukowski, American Author

Humor, Action, Life, Absurdity

Explore more quotes by Maggie Stiefvater

"Way back before you were born, Calla and Persephone and I were messing around with things we probably shouldn't have been messing around with--""Drugs?""Rituals. Are you messing around with drugs?""No. But maybe rituals""Drugs might be better."

Curiosity

"Fate," Blue replied, glowering at her mother, "is a very weighty word to throw around before breakfast."

Destiny

"It's rude to stare, but the great thing about staring at a sedated person is that they don't know you're doing it."

Humor

"Gansey always thought that, after dark, it felt like anything could happen. At night, Henrietta felt like magic, and at night, magic felt like it might be a terrible thing."

Mystery

"I whisper like the sea in the horse's ear."

Metaphor

"Memories are like dreams. You remember how you got to the front of the classroom with no clothes on."

Memory

"So here's my theory, and this is such crap science, I don't have to tell you. It's science without microscopes, blood tests, or reality."

Science

"His heart hurt with the wanting of it, the hurt no less painful for being difficult to explain."

Emotion

"A symptom," Brendan said, as if love were a disease only humans could catch. But there was something like fondness or respect in his voice. "You're both fools."

Love

"What? he asked in a low voice."You looked like you spent your last joy bill.He hissed, "What does that even mean?"I don't know. I was just trying it out."Well, it doesn't work. It doesn't make sense. And anyway, I've got plenty of joy bills. Loads.Helen said, "What's happening there on your phone?"A very small joy debit.His older sister's smile shone brightly. "You see, it does work. Now, did you or did you not need to get out of that room?Gansey inclined his head in slight acknowledgment. Gansey siblings knew each other well."You're so welcome, Helen said. "Let me know if you need me to write a joy check."I really don't think it works."

Humor