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Mark Twain

"The secret source of humor is not joy but sorrow; there is no humor in Heaven."

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"The secret source of humor is not joy but sorrow; there is no humor in Heaven."

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Donna Grant

"Fool me once, shame on youfool me twice, shame on mefool me thrice, I'm gonna get the frying pan!"

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Donna Grant

"As a comedian, the more you commit the sin of stupidity, three essential things happen to your life:~people applaud you incessantly.~love you more than their parents.~give you a daily bread."

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Donna Grant

"One who has both feet firmly planted in the air."

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Donna Grant

"My religion consists of laughing at myself. My motto is this: As long as there is a me, there is a reason to laugh out loud!"

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Donna Grant

"Well, that depends, I suppose. I heard someone once say that men dance the same way they have sex. So, if you want everyone here to think you're the kind of guy who just sits around and-" He stood up. "Let's dance."

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Donna Grant

"The cleverest woman finds a need for foolish admirers."

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Donna Grant

"Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual."

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Donna Grant

"I was my own boss, but that all changed the day I got married."

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Donna Grant

"Could you hold the chainsaw a bit closer to your mouth, please?"

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Donna Grant

"Unless you stop him. Perhaps next we meet.""You'll be just as annoying?" I guessed.He fixed my with those warm brown eyes. "Or perhaps you could bring me up to speed on those modern courtship rituals."I sat there stunned until he gave me a glimpse of a smile-just enough to let me know he was teasing. Then he disappeared."Oh, very funny!" I yelled."

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Mark Twain
"The main difference between a cat and a lie is that a cat only has nine lives."
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Mark Twain
"Never let your education interfere with your learning."
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Mark Twain
"You can find in a text whatever you bring, if you will stand between it and the mirror of your imagination. You may not see your ears, but they will be there."
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Mark Twain
"One of the most striking differences between a cat and a lie is that a cat has only nine lives."
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Mark Twain
"Loyalty to petrified opinion never yet broke a chain or freed a human soul."
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Mark Twain
"I find that, as a rule, when a thing is a wonder to us it is not because of what we see in it, but because of what others have seen in it. We get almost all our wonders at second hand."
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Mark Twain
"The most interesting information comes from children, for they tell all they know and then stop."
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Mark Twain
"Hain't we got all the fools in town on our side? And ain't that a big enough majority for any town?"
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Mark Twain
"Principles have no real force except when one is well-fed."
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Mark Twain
"The air up there in the clouds is very pure and fine, bracing and delicious. And why shouldn't it be?--it is the same the angels breathe."
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