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"If the police ever try to pick me up, Michael Jackson told me I can hide out at his house."
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"MAC gave me 55 lipsticks to test. These are the same lipsticks I got caught stealing by the police when I was 15. How ironic."

"The way they were writing Christine as this older woman who got married, which she shouldn't have. Obviously got divorced right away. Reached the glass ceiling in the police precinct. So there is a part of her that died because she knows she couldn't go any farther."

"On one occasion in 1987 the security police came looking for me because of a drawing that I'd published."

"An administration without a police executive is powerless and there were many proofs of this."

"I decided that if the police couldn't catch the gangsters, I'd create a fellow who could."

"A recent police study found that you're much more likely to get shot by a fat cop if you run."

"Incidentally, our railroad facilities are under video surveillance by the federal police. However, the federal and state governments will have to determine whether video surveillance shouldn't be significantly expanded to a certain degree."

"Let me be clear about this. I don't have a drug problem. I have a police problem."
Explore more quotes by Gilbert Gottfried

"The pressure to being a comedian is being funny, but I've given that up, so there is no pressure whatsoever."
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