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Gilbert Gottfried

"If the police ever try to pick me up, Michael Jackson told me I can hide out at his house."

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"If the police ever try to pick me up, Michael Jackson told me I can hide out at his house."

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Asa Don Brown

"MAC gave me 55 lipsticks to test. These are the same lipsticks I got caught stealing by the police when I was 15. How ironic."

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"The way they were writing Christine as this older woman who got married, which she shouldn't have. Obviously got divorced right away. Reached the glass ceiling in the police precinct. So there is a part of her that died because she knows she couldn't go any farther."

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"On one occasion in 1987 the security police came looking for me because of a drawing that I'd published."

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"Actually I ran away from school when I was 13. No one could find me, and the police were called. I was just hiding in a little thicket of grass at my school, and went to sleep."

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Asa Don Brown

"I decided that if the police couldn't catch the gangsters, I'd create a fellow who could."

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"A recent police study found that you're much more likely to get shot by a fat cop if you run."

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Asa Don Brown

"Even the police have an unlisted number."

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Asa Don Brown

"Incidentally, our railroad facilities are under video surveillance by the federal police. However, the federal and state governments will have to determine whether video surveillance shouldn't be significantly expanded to a certain degree."

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"Let me be clear about this. I don't have a drug problem. I have a police problem."

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Gilbert Gottfried
"The pressure to being a comedian is being funny, but I've given that up, so there is no pressure whatsoever."
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Gilbert Gottfried
"If the police ever try to pick me up, Michael Jackson told me I can hide out at his house."
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