"I know a lot about cars, man. I can look at any car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming."

Car, Man

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"I know a lot about cars, man. I can look at any car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming."

Exlpore more Car quotes

"I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving."

Steven Wright, American Comedian

Car,

"I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went to the funeral in one car."

Steven Wright, American Comedian

Car, Friend, Friends

"I hate fishing, and I can't imagine why anyone would want to hike when you can get in the car and drive."

Joseph Barbera, American Cartoonist

Car, Fishing, Hate, Want

"I sing in the car if I'm in LA, because you're like soundproofed."

Jimmy Fallon, American Comedian

Car,

"One morning, about four o'clock, I was driving my car just about as fast as I could. I thought, Why am I out this time of night? I was miserable, and it came to me: I'm falling in love with somebody I have no right to fall in love with."

June Carter Cash, American Musician

Car, Love, Time, Thought

"My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car."

Erma Bombeck, American Journalist

Car, Kids

"I will never have a drink and get behind the wheel of a car. It's not illegal to drink and drive, but there becomes a certain point where it does become a crime."

Tracey Gold, American Actress

Car, Crime, Will

"If you are a writer you locate yourself behind a wall of silence and no matter what you are doing, driving a car or walking or doing housework you can still be writing, because you have that space."

Joyce Carol Oates, American Novelist

Car, Driving, Housework, Silence

"Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth."

Erma Bombeck, American Journalist

Car,

"Every little kid has always wanted to be a race car driver. This gets some of that out."

David Alan Grier, American Comedian

Car, Race

Explore more quotes by Mitch Hedberg

"Why is Cloud 9 so amazing? What is wrong with Cloud 8? That joke came off the top of my head, and the top of my head ain't funny!"

Wrong

"I had a stick of CareFree gum, but it didn't work. I felt pretty good while I was blowing that bubble, but as soon as the gum lost its flavor, I was back to pondering my mortality."

Work

"Every book is a children's book if the kid can read!"

Children

"I recently took up ice sculpting. Last night I made an ice cube. This morning I made 12, I was prolific."

Night

"I'd like to get four people who do cart wheels very good, and make a cart."

People

"I love blackjack. But I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi circle."

Love

"I was at this casino minding my own business, and this guy came up to me and said, "You're gonna have to move, you're blocking a fire exit." As though if there was a fire, I wasn't gonna run. If you're flammible and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit."

Business

"I think foosball is a combination of soccer and shish kabobs."

Soccer

"I wear a necklace, cause I wanna know when I'm upside down."

Cause

"Y'know, you can't please all the people all the time... and last night, all those people were at my show."

Time