"I know a lot about cars, man. I can look at any car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming."

Car, Man

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"I know a lot about cars, man. I can look at any car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming."

Explore more quotes by Mitch Hedberg

"I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're goin', and hook up with them later."

Dream, Dreams

"Why is Cloud 9 so amazing? What is wrong with Cloud 8? That joke came off the top of my head, and the top of my head ain't funny!"

Wrong,

"I like to play blackjack. I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle."

Gambling, Play

"The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall."

Tennis,

"It's very dangerous to wave to people you don't know because what if they don't have hands? They'll think you're cocky."

People,

"It's weird... people say they're not like apes. Now how do you explain football then?"

People, Football, Now

"I recently took up ice sculpting. Last night I made an ice cube. This morning I made 12, I was prolific."

Night,

Exlpore more Car quotes

"I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving."

Steven Wright, American Comedian

Car,

"Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should arise for them to bark violently at nothing right in your ear."

Dave Barry, American Journalist

Car, Dogs, Nothing, Right

"I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went to the funeral in one car."

Steven Wright, American Comedian

Car, Friend, Friends

"Car designers are just going to have to come up with an automobile that outlasts the payments."

Erma Bombeck, American Journalist

Car,

"I promise you a police car on every sidewalk."

Marion Berry, American Politician

Car, Police, Promise

"It's a massive motor in a tiny, lightweight car."

Carroll Shelby, American Designer

Car,

"Get in the race car do what I do then go home. We don't have freedom to do anything anymore."

Tony Stewart, American Celebrity

Car, Home, Freedom, Race

"Divorced men are more likely to meet their car payments than their child support obligations."

Susan Faludi, American Writer

Car, Men, Support

"Unfortunately we don't have all the bits and pieces on the car that we had hoped to have by this stage so we've got to make as good a job as we can with what we have and we feel we are doing well with that at the moment."

David Leslie, American Journalist

Car, Job

"Freedom is not an ideal, it is not even a protection, if it means nothing more than freedom to stagnate, to live without dreams, to have no greater aim than a second car and another television set."

Adlai E. Stevenson, American Politician

Car, Dreams, Freedom, Nothing

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Explore more quotes by Mitch Hedberg

"I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're goin', and hook up with them later."

"Why is Cloud 9 so amazing? What is wrong with Cloud 8? That joke came off the top of my head, and the top of my head ain't funny!"

"I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle."

"I wear a necklace, cause I wanna know when I'm upside down."

"Every book is a children's book if the kid can read!"

"I like to play blackjack. I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle."

"The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall."

"It's very dangerous to wave to people you don't know because what if they don't have hands? They'll think you're cocky."

"It's weird... people say they're not like apes. Now how do you explain football then?"

"I recently took up ice sculpting. Last night I made an ice cube. This morning I made 12, I was prolific."

Exlpore more Car quotes

"I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving."

"Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should arise for them to bark violently at nothing right in your ear."

"I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went to the funeral in one car."

"Car designers are just going to have to come up with an automobile that outlasts the payments."

"I promise you a police car on every sidewalk."

"It's a massive motor in a tiny, lightweight car."

"Get in the race car do what I do then go home. We don't have freedom to do anything anymore."

"Divorced men are more likely to meet their car payments than their child support obligations."

"Unfortunately we don't have all the bits and pieces on the car that we had hoped to have by this stage so we've got to make as good a job as we can with what we have and we feel we are doing well with that at the moment."

"Freedom is not an ideal, it is not even a protection, if it means nothing more than freedom to stagnate, to live without dreams, to have no greater aim than a second car and another television set."