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"If I studied all my life, I couldn't think up half the number of funny things passed in one session of congress."
Author Name
Personal Development
"It's a funny thing about life; if you refuse to accept anything but the best, you very often get it."
Author Name
Personal Development
"I got a lot of support from my parents. That's the one thing I always appreciated. They didn't tell me I was being stupid; they told me I was being funny."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Everything is funny, as long as it's happening to somebody else."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Life does not cease to be funny when people die any more than it ceases to be serious when people laugh."
Author Name
Personal Development
"The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds new discoveries, is not 'Eureka!' but 'That's funny...'"
Author Name
Personal Development
"We sat down and told stories that happened to us in our childhood, to our children. They were all basically based on the truth. These stories were funny and poignant to us. They just took off. These are all stories from my life."
Author Name
Personal Development
"The funny thing about commercials to me is that many of them now don't even mention the product until the very end. You don't really know what the commercial is all about. They're kind of like little movies, like shorts, and that's why I think they're so entertaining."
Author Name
Personal Development
"When I worked with Robin Williams, now there is improv! He is just as funny as you think he is. We did at least five or six takes of every scene, improvising every scene differently. He was a riot."
Author Name
Personal Development
"You know it's funny that none of the regular late-night shows now use guest hosts the way Johnny did. No one talks about it much, but it's curious that they don't do it. They would each have to be asked the reason why they don't."
Author Name
Personal Development
More
"In order to succeed, your desire for success should be greater than your fear of failure."
Success
"Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry."
End
"Women don't want to hear what you think. Women want to hear what they think - in a deeper voice."
Woman
"The essence of childhood, of course, is play, which my friends and I did endlessly on streets that we reluctantly shared with traffic."
Childhood
"A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice."
Advice
"The heart of marriage is memories; and if the two of you happen to have the same ones and can savor your reruns, then your marriage is a gift from the gods."
Marriage
"Immortality is a long shot, I admit. But somebody has to be first."
First
"A new father quickly learns that his child invariably comes to the bathroom at precisely the times when he's in there, as if he needed company. The only way for this father to be certain of bathroom privacy is to shave at the gas station."
Father
"I am certainly not an authority on love because there are no authorities on love, just those who've had luck with it and those who haven't."
Love
"As I have discovered by examining my past, I started out as a child. Coincidentally, so did my brother. My mother did not put all her eggs in one basket, so to speak: she gave me a younger brother named Russell, who taught me what was meant by "survival of the fittest.""
Mother
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