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Jack Benny

"My wife Mary and I have been married for forty-seven years and not once have we had an argument serious enough to consider divorce; murder, yes, but divorce, never."

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"My wife Mary and I have been married for forty-seven years and not once have we had an argument serious enough to consider divorce; murder, yes, but divorce, never."

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Akiroq Brost

"I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her."

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Akiroq Brost

"I met my wife by breaking two of my rules: never date a girl seriously that you meet at a nightclub and never date a fan."

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Akiroq Brost

"He asked why and I said, 'Because Gwyneth has a fat suit, my wife has a fat suit - I don't get a fat suit?' He looked at me and said, 'You mean you don't have one on?'"

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Akiroq Brost

"Finding a good band is Iike finding a good wife. You got to keep trying till you find the right one."

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Akiroq Brost

"It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass."

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Akiroq Brost

"My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was."

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Akiroq Brost

"Choose a wife rather by your ear than your eye."

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Akiroq Brost

"My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way."

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Akiroq Brost

"My wife was afraid of the dark... then she saw me naked and now she's afraid of the light."

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Akiroq Brost

"I'm not a real movie star. I've still got the same wife I started out with twenty-eight years ago."

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Jack Benny
"Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air."
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"I don't want to tell you how much insurance I carry with the Prudential, but all I can say is: when I go, they go too."
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Jack Benny
"If you don't mind, it doesn't matter."
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Jack Benny
"Age is strictly a case of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter."
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"Gags die, humor doesn't."
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Jack Benny
"Modesty is my best quality."
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Jack Benny
"My wife Mary and I have been married for forty-seven years and not once have we had an argument serious enough to consider divorce; murder, yes, but divorce, never."
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