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"People always ask me, 'Were you funny as a child?' Well, no, I was an accountant."
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"If I'm in something funny, I like to try and find some kind of serious line in it that people can relate to."
"Hurried and worried until we're buried, and there's no curtain call, Lifes a very funny proposition after all."
Explore more quotes by Ellen DeGeneres
"Some people believe that to find happiness, you should live each day of your life as if it's your last because that way you will appreciate every single moment you have. Other people believe that you should live each day as if it's your first because then every day can be the beginning of a new journey."
"I personally like being unique. I like being my own person with my own style and my own opinions and my own toothbrush."
"If your Birthday is on Christmas day and you're not Jesus, you should start telling people your birthday is on June 9 or something. Just read up on the traits of a Gemini. Suddenly you're a multitasker who loves the color yellow. Because not only do you get stuck with them combo gift, you get the combo song. 'We wish you a merry Christmas - and happy birthday, Terry - we wish you a merry Christmas - happy birthday, Terry - we wish you a merry Christmas and a happy New Ye - Birthday, Terry!"
"When I look back on the stuff I used to wear, I wonder why somebody didn't try to stop me. Just a friendly warning, 'You may regret this,' would have been fine."
"When you take risks you learn that there will be times when you succeed and there will be times when you fail, and both are equally important. It's hard to understand failure when you're going through it, but in the grand scheme of things it's good to fall down-not because you're drunk and not near stairs."
"If you want to test cosmetics, why do it on some poor animal who hasn't done anything? They should use prisoners who have been convicted of murder or rape instead. So, rather than seeing if perfume irritates a bunny rabbit's eyes, they should throw it in Charles Manson's eyes and ask him if it hurts."
"I am saddened by how people treat one another and how we are so shut off from one another and how we judge one another, when the truth is, we are all one connected thing. We are all from the same exact molecules."
"I'm a comedian, and I definitely see the humor in a lot of things. I am also sad a lot. I cry often and easily. I think you're supposed to feel all kinds of things."
"The thing everyone should realize is that the key to happiness is being happy for yourself and yourself."
"There are all sorts of books offering advice on how to deal with life-threatening situations, but where's the advice on dealing with embarrassing ones?"
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