"Isn't it amazing how much stuff we get done the day before vacation?"

Humor, Procrastination, Observation, Truth, Wisdom

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"Isn't it amazing how much stuff we get done the day before vacation?"

Exlpore more Humor quotes

"Ma'am,' Augustus said, nodding toward her, 'your daughter's car has just been deservedly egged by a blind man. Please close the door and go back inside or we'll be forced to call the police.' After wavering for a moment, Monica's mom closed the door and disappeared."

John Green, American Author

Humor, Police, Interaction, Social

"I liked that he was a tenured professor in the Department of Slightly Crooked Smiles with a dual appointments in the Department of Having a Voice that Made My Skin Feel More Like Skin."

John Green, American Author

Humor, Personality, Identity, Education

"I guess when you turn off the main road, you have to be prepared to see some funny houses."

Stephen King, American Author

Humor, Funny, Houses, Road

"What is it with you today? says Christina on the way to breakfast. Her eyes are stillswollen from sleep and her tangled hair forms a fuzzy halo around her face."Oh, you know, I say. "Sun shining. Birds chirping.She raises an eyebrow at me, as if reminding me that we are in an undergroundtunnel."

Veronica Roth, American Author

Humor, Sun, Birds, Morning

"O, that he were here to write me down an ass! But, masters, remember, that I am an ass; though it be not written down, yet forget not that I am an ass."

William Shakespeare, English Dramatist

Humor, Truth, Life, Identity

"In a way, a lot of my humor comes from presenting things that are dramatic or shocking and then people not having socially appropriate responses, having people denying the drama by failing to react to it, and that's a really classic form of humor."

Chuck Palahniuk, American Novelist

Humor, Drama, Social, Behavior

"Sergeant Colon of the Ankh-Morpork City Guard was on duty. He was guarding the Brass Bridge, the main link between Ankh and Morpork. From theft.When it came to crime prevention, Sergeant Colon found it safest to think big."

Terry Pratchett, English Author

Humor, Crime, Duty, Irony

"I just don't- Ronan. My ears are bleeding!"Ronan turned down the music."

Maggie Stiefvater, American Author

Humor, Music, Pain, Friendship

"Ben, if you get pee in my brand-new car, I am going to cut your balls off."Still peeing, Ben looks over at me smirking. "You re gonna need a hell of a big knife, bro."

John Green, American Author

Humor, Friendship, Warning, Relationship

"It's rude to stare, but the great thing about staring at a sedated person is that they don't know you're doing it."

Maggie Stiefvater, American Author

Humor, Observation, Consciousness, Behavior, Privacy

Explore more quotes by Zig Ziglar

"If you can dream it, then you can achieve it. You will get all you want in life if you help enough other people get what they want."

Life

"It's not what you've got, it's what you use that makes a difference."

Difference

"You can't hit a target you cannot see, and you cannot see a target you do not have."

Goals

"Whether it's eight o'clock in the morning or eight o'clock at night, I always try to greet others before they have a chance to speak to me."

Courtesy

"It is true that integrity alone won't make you a leader, but without integrity you will never be one."

Leadership

"We hear tears loudly on this side of Heaven. What we don't take time to contemplate are the even louder cheers on the other side of death's valley."

Spiritual

"If you learn from defeat, you haven't really lost."

Defeat

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Exlpore more Humor quotes

"Ma'am,' Augustus said, nodding toward her, 'your daughter's car has just been deservedly egged by a blind man. Please close the door and go back inside or we'll be forced to call the police.' After wavering for a moment, Monica's mom closed the door and disappeared."

"I liked that he was a tenured professor in the Department of Slightly Crooked Smiles with a dual appointments in the Department of Having a Voice that Made My Skin Feel More Like Skin."

"I guess when you turn off the main road, you have to be prepared to see some funny houses."

"What is it with you today? says Christina on the way to breakfast. Her eyes are stillswollen from sleep and her tangled hair forms a fuzzy halo around her face."Oh, you know, I say. "Sun shining. Birds chirping.She raises an eyebrow at me, as if reminding me that we are in an undergroundtunnel."

"O, that he were here to write me down an ass! But, masters, remember, that I am an ass; though it be not written down, yet forget not that I am an ass."

"In a way, a lot of my humor comes from presenting things that are dramatic or shocking and then people not having socially appropriate responses, having people denying the drama by failing to react to it, and that's a really classic form of humor."

"Sergeant Colon of the Ankh-Morpork City Guard was on duty. He was guarding the Brass Bridge, the main link between Ankh and Morpork. From theft.When it came to crime prevention, Sergeant Colon found it safest to think big."

"I just don't- Ronan. My ears are bleeding!"Ronan turned down the music."

"Ben, if you get pee in my brand-new car, I am going to cut your balls off."Still peeing, Ben looks over at me smirking. "You re gonna need a hell of a big knife, bro."

"It's rude to stare, but the great thing about staring at a sedated person is that they don't know you're doing it."

Explore more quotes by Zig Ziglar

"If you can dream it, then you can achieve it. You will get all you want in life if you help enough other people get what they want."

"It's not what you've got, it's what you use that makes a difference."

"You can't hit a target you cannot see, and you cannot see a target you do not have."

"Whether it's eight o'clock in the morning or eight o'clock at night, I always try to greet others before they have a chance to speak to me."

"Motivation gets you going and habit gets you there."

"A narrow mind and a fat head invariably come on the same person."

"Ability can take you to the top, but it takes character to keep you there."

"It is true that integrity alone won't make you a leader, but without integrity you will never be one."

"We hear tears loudly on this side of Heaven. What we don't take time to contemplate are the even louder cheers on the other side of death's valley."

"If you learn from defeat, you haven't really lost."