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"It's complicated, I said in defense, hands going up to show surrender.'Talk slowly, Jenna retorted derisively.'Okay, I deserved that, I admitted."
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"Ma'am,' Augustus said, nodding toward her, 'your daughter's car has just been deservedly egged by a blind man. Please close the door and go back inside or we'll be forced to call the police.' After wavering for a moment, Monica's mom closed the door and disappeared."
"I liked that he was a tenured professor in the Department of Slightly Crooked Smiles with a dual appointments in the Department of Having a Voice that Made My Skin Feel More Like Skin."
"What is it with you today? says Christina on the way to breakfast. Her eyes are stillswollen from sleep and her tangled hair forms a fuzzy halo around her face."Oh, you know, I say. "Sun shining. Birds chirping.She raises an eyebrow at me, as if reminding me that we are in an undergroundtunnel."
"In a way, a lot of my humor comes from presenting things that are dramatic or shocking and then people not having socially appropriate responses, having people denying the drama by failing to react to it, and that's a really classic form of humor."
"Ben, if you get pee in my brand-new car, I am going to cut your balls off."Still peeing, Ben looks over at me smirking. "You re gonna need a hell of a big knife, bro."
"Well, while you were in the bathroom, I sat down at this picnic table here in Bumblefug, Kentucky, and noticed that someone had carved that GOD HATES FAG, which, aside from being a grammatical nightmare, is absolutely ridiculous. So I'm changing it to 'God Hates Baguettes.' It's tough to disagree with that. Everybody hates baguettes."
"What are you assholes looking at?" "Nothing," said Radar. "We're certainly not looking at your eyebrows."
"If God had a wife, He would be in trouble too if He dodged His chores."
"When you put on your thinking cap make sure it's clean."
Explore more quotes by Laura Kreitzer
"Shut the front door! Jenna exclaimed.Andrew disappeared into the foyer, and when he returned, his eyebrows were furrowed in confusion. 'The door is shut?"
"Her mum is leaning against the wall, arms crossed, when Summer exits. 'Gage left from here a few minutes ago, she says, tone neutral. 'His hair was ruffled. She gestures with her hand above her head.The haze Gage left Summer in vanishes. She frowns.Her mum sighs and steps forward. Smooths her daughter's hair. 'If he hurts you, she says in a mild tone, 'I'll kill him."
"The aftermath of bearing shackles is an exquisite devastation, fraught with the ravages of survival. Even though one is no longer held captive-be that from a person, a government, or one's inner self-the scars are deeply engraved into one's psyche, and there's no remedy for the soul. Many have the misconception that freedom equals happiness forever and ever.That's a wicked delusion."
"Your hair is like butterflies, Sebastian said, giggling like a child.'That's nice, Firen said impatiently. 'Keep moving.'Fantastic. I always like my days better with a touch of insanity, Gabriella quipped."
"He's focused on something-or someone-over her shoulder.The harmonious warbling of the rainforest morphs into organized disarray, as if a primitive maestro has thrown conducting to the wind and let Mother Nature take over. Birds trill a warning as the breeze rustles the plant life. Wings flutter overhead. A crescendo of stridulation changes tempo, the insects seemingly performing a sonata as the rhythm shifts yet again.'What-who is it? Summer asks in a strained whisper.His gaze lands on her, his brows furrowing. 'The Forsaken."
"I'm not above using unsavory beings to kick the Gods' asses, but the Phantoms are too unpredictable for my taste, I said."
"Death and his scythe do not come. No sweeping black capes or ethereal escapes. There's no pearly gate, no prisms of colors as his soul slips away. The stillness is cold steel. The silence is empty with no memory to mend it."
"I'm sorry, he says. No two words were ever truer.Still, she says nothing. Once a shield, now her taciturnity is brandished like a blade, carving away his sanity. She's the flaw in the paragon of life-the reason angels choose to dive to their downfalls in fiery comets of stardust."
"Awe! Leaving so soon? Gabby said sweetly, holding the door open. 'I was just about to pull out the gun for you to play single-player Russian Roulette."
"I'm not your boyfriend! I snapped, trying to gently move her hands away from my body.'How can you say that? Sara asked in horror.'It's shockingly effortless, I replied. 'My vocal chords vibrate, and my mouth and tongue articulate. I can even do it without thinking. I had to remind myself to stay calm, and sarcasm was the best way to do that.'When are you going to give me a key to your house so I don't have to knock like some guest? Sara asked, coming at me again.I backed away. 'How about never? Is never good for you?Sara, undeterred, said, 'You're the reason I go to therapy on Fridays.'The plot thickens! Gabby exclaimed for comedic relief."
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