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"Ma'am,' Augustus said, nodding toward her, 'your daughter's car has just been deservedly egged by a blind man. Please close the door and go back inside or we'll be forced to call the police.' After wavering for a moment, Monica's mom closed the door and disappeared."
Author Name
Personal Development
"I liked that he was a tenured professor in the Department of Slightly Crooked Smiles with a dual appointments in the Department of Having a Voice that Made My Skin Feel More Like Skin."
Author Name
Personal Development
"What is it with you today? says Christina on the way to breakfast. Her eyes are stillswollen from sleep and her tangled hair forms a fuzzy halo around her face."Oh, you know, I say. "Sun shining. Birds chirping.She raises an eyebrow at me, as if reminding me that we are in an undergroundtunnel."
Author Name
Personal Development
"In a way, a lot of my humor comes from presenting things that are dramatic or shocking and then people not having socially appropriate responses, having people denying the drama by failing to react to it, and that's a really classic form of humor."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Sergeant Colon of the Ankh-Morpork City Guard was on duty. He was guarding the Brass Bridge, the main link between Ankh and Morpork. From theft.When it came to crime prevention, Sergeant Colon found it safest to think big."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Ben, if you get pee in my brand-new car, I am going to cut your balls off."Still peeing, Ben looks over at me smirking. "You re gonna need a hell of a big knife, bro."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Well, while you were in the bathroom, I sat down at this picnic table here in Bumblefug, Kentucky, and noticed that someone had carved that GOD HATES FAG, which, aside from being a grammatical nightmare, is absolutely ridiculous. So I'm changing it to 'God Hates Baguettes.' It's tough to disagree with that. Everybody hates baguettes."
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Personal Development
"What are you assholes looking at?" "Nothing," said Radar. "We're certainly not looking at your eyebrows."
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Personal Development
"If God had a wife, He would be in trouble too if He dodged His chores."
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Personal Development
"When you put on your thinking cap make sure it's clean."
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Personal Development
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"Modern kitchen - where the pot calls the kettle chartreuse."
Humor
"We're too young to want to stop living, because after all, we shouldn't stop something we haven't even started."
Life
"Once you find your Happy space,you wouldnt be in the rat race."
Happiness
"Night when deep sleep falleth on men."
Spiritual
"Every way of a man is right in his own eyes, but the Lord pondereth the hearts."
Truth
"Once my wife gave me a wonderful birthday present. She let me win an argument."
Relationship
"His clear conscience is a result of a poor memory."
Psychology
"Productive prayer requires earnestness not eloquence."
Spiritual
"I'm moving down here . . . because some of you in the back might not be able to hear my talk . . . and that wouldn't be fair to those who can hear it."
Humor
"Worry never climbed a hill worry never paid a bill Worry never dried a tear worry never calmed a fear Worry never darned a heel worry never cooked a meal It never led a horse to water nor ever did a thing it "oughter.""
Wisdom
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