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"If you want to make an audience laugh, you dress a man up like an old lady and push her down the stairs. If you want to make comedy writers laugh, you push an actual old lady down the stairs."
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"Make it dark, make it grim, make it tough, but then, for the love of God, tell a joke."
Author Name
Personal Development
"I hate comedy... Yo...-yo bitch."
Author Name
Personal Development
"I never watch comedies they suck if something sucks it sucks there isn't doubt about it."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Have a chocolate-covered raisin, he said."They look like rat droppings, said the Chair.The Dean peered at them in the gloom."So that's it, he said. "The bag fell on the floor a minute ago, and I thought there seemed rather a lot."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Uh-oh, I hope he doesn't start rattling off dirty limericks next; she'll probably burn the hotel down."
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Personal Development
"Are you out of your goddamn mind? You think we can take on two hundred soldiers? I know I am an extremely attractive man, J, but I am not Bruce Lee."Who's Bruce Lee?"Who's Bruce Lee? Kenji asks, horrified. "Oh my God. We can't even be friends anymore."Why? Was he a friend of yours?"You know what, he says, "just stop. Just-I can't even talk to you right now."
Author Name
Personal Development
"I think a lot of the instincts you have doing comedy are really the same for doing drama, in that it's essentially about listening. The way I approach comedy, is you have to commit to everything as if it's a dramatic role, meaning you play it straight."
Author Name
Personal Development
"I got everybody on my side through comedy."
Author Name
Personal Development
"I had to stop myself from laughing. Who needs help taking a pill?"
Author Name
Personal Development
"Stand-up comedy and poverty. Those were my two main endeavors."
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Personal Development
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"I was the editor of the school newspaper and in drama club and choir, so I was not a popular girl in the traditional sense, but I think I was known for being relatively scathing."
Being
"An interim government was set up in Afghanistan. It included two women, one of whom was Minister of Women's Affairs. Man, who'd she have to show here ankles to to get that job?"
Government
"A Harvard Medical School study has determined that rectal thermometers are still the best way to tell a baby's temperature. Plus, it really teaches the baby who's boss."
Medical
"Somewhere around the fifth or seventh grade I figured out that I could ingratiate myself to people by making them laugh. Essentially, I was just trying to make them like me. But after a while it became part of my identity."
People
"Yeah, it's tough being smart and sexy, too. I have to say, I'm really not that attractive. Until I met my husband, I could not get a date. I promise you it's true. My husband Jeff Richmond saw a diamond in the rough and took me in."
Being
"I think if you ask any of us here, we all dreamed of ending up on Saturday Night Live. I remember thinking, 'I'll just keep doing this as long as I can get away with it.'"
End
"Most of the time you're too busy to think about it. But every now and then you say, 'I work at "Saturday Night Live," and that is so cool."
Time
"If you want to make an audience laugh, you dress a man up like an old lady and push her down the stairs. If you want to make comedy writers laugh, you push an actual old lady down the stairs."
Comedy
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