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"The Democrats are the party that says government will make you smarter, taller, richer, and remove the crabgrass on your lawn. The Republicans are the party that says government doesn't work and then they get elected and prove it."
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"The Clinton administration launched an attack on people in Texas because those people were religious nuts with guns. Hell, this country was founded by religious nuts with guns. Who does Bill Clinton think stepped ashore on Plymouth Rock?"
People

"Cleanliness becomes more important when godliness is unlikely."
Cleanliness

"There's something about Marxism that brings out warts; the only kind of growth this economic system encourages."
Growth

"Politics are for foreigners with their endless wrongs and paltry rights. Politics are a lousy way to get things done. Politics are, like God's infinite mercy, a last resort."
Politics

"In our brief national history we have shot four of our presidents, worried five of them to death, impeached one and hounded another out of office. And when all else fails, we hold an election and assassinate their character."
History

"Whatever it is that the government does, sensible Americans would prefer that the government does it to somebody else. This is the idea behind foreign policy."
Government

"There's one more terrifying fact about old people: I'm going to be one soon."
Fact

"The weirder you're going to behave, the more normal you should look. It works in reverse, too. When I see a kid with three or four rings in his nose, I know there is absolutely nothing extraordinary about that person."
Nothing

"A very quiet and tasteful way to be famous is to have a famous relative. Then you can not only be nothing, you can do nothing too."
Famous

"Never be unfaithful to a lover, except with your wife."
Wife
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"Democracy means government by the uneducated, while aristocracy means government by the badly educated."
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Personal Development

"Who is an elected government in a constitutional democracy to decide it will not tolerate dissent."
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Personal Development

"An ideal form of government is democracy tempered with assassination."
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Personal Development

"There are no doubts that western governments are willfully inducing radiation sickness into segments of their city populations."
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Personal Development

"We all know what Parliament is, and we are all ashamed of it."
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Personal Development

"If you make any money, the government shoves you in the creek once a year with it in your pockets, and all that don't get wet you can keep."
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Personal Development

"Every decent man is ashamed of the government he lives under."
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Personal Development

"Giving every man a vote has no more made men wise and free than Christianity has made them good."
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Personal Development

"I can make a firm pledge, under my plan, no family making less than $250,000 a year will see any form of tax increase. Not your income tax, not your payroll tax, not your capital gains taxes, not any of your taxes."
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Personal Development

"This country, with its institutions, belongs to the people who inhabit it. Whenever they shall grow weary of the existing government, they can exercise their constitutional right of amending it, or exercise their revolutionary right to overthrow it."
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Personal Development
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