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"Your modern teenager is not about to listen to advice from an old person, defined as a person who remembers when there was no Velcro."
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"Never say never or it becomes a vice, and there you have it, you just did it twice."
"If anybody seeks your advice, offer right and sincere advice."
"It is easy when we are in prosperity to give advice to the afflicted."
"Always be careful of where you run to. When the going gets tough, take it easy and slow down, else you venture into the den of lions."
"I sometimes give myself admirable advice, but I am incapable of taking it."
"My advice is keep your lips away from the spinning things."
"Mean girls go far in high school. Kind women go far in LIFE."
"Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option."
Explore more quotes by Dave Barry
"As you get older; you've probably noticed that you tend to forget things. You'll be talking with somebody at a party, and you'll know that you know this person, but no matter how hard you try, you can't remember his or her name. This can be very embarassing, especially if he or she turns out to be your spouse."
"Violence and smut are of course everywhere on the airwaves. You cannot turn on your television without seeing them, although sometimes you have to hunt around."
"To better understand why you need a personal computer, let's take a look at the pathetic mess you call your life."
"Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice."
"Gravity is a contributing factor in nearly 73 percent of all accidents involving falling objects."
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