"My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met."

Wife, Years

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"My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met."

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"If you would have a good wife, marry one who has been a good daughter."

Thomas Fuller, English Clergyman

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"He knows little, who will tell his wife all he knows."

Thomas Fuller, English Clergyman

Wife, Will

"I'm not a real movie star. I've still got the same wife I started out with twenty-eight years ago."

Will Rogers, American Actor

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"Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same."

Oscar Wilde, Irish Dramatist

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"What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and he told me about the butcher and my wife."

Rodney Dangerfield, American Comedian

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"One day my wife went and saw the accountant and said she's pulling the plug. She said you guys are done. I said, how bad can it be? 10 grand? She said you're not even close. It came out to almost $50,000 in alcohol for two months."

Zakk Wylde, American Musician

Wife, Alcohol, Day, Months

"Although I had resigned my commission as an officer two years before, I immediately left Switzerland, accompanied by my wife, in order to report for duty. As it happened, a wire reached me a day later calling me to the colors."

Fritz Kreisler, Austrian Composer

Wife, Colors, Day, Duty

"When I raced with Mercedes, I thought I'd learn German. But my wife didn't want to live in Germany."

Juan Manuel Fangio, Argentinian Celebrity

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"It's about a young man who has climbed to fame and he discovers that his writing and the relationship with his wife are really more important for him than anything else."

Ismail Merchant, Indian Producer

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"He asked why and I said, 'Because Gwyneth has a fat suit, my wife has a fat suit - I don't get a fat suit?' He looked at me and said, 'You mean you don't have one on?'"

Joe Viterelli, American Actor

Wife,

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"I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet."

Being

"What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and he told me about the butcher and my wife."

Wife

"My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it."

Wife

"My wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to drive."

Car

"At twenty a man is full of fight and hope. He wants to reform the world. When he is seventy he still wants to reform the world, but he know he can't."

Hope

"A girl phoned me the other day and said... 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home."

Home

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Exlpore more Wife quotes

"If you would have a good wife, marry one who has been a good daughter."

"He knows little, who will tell his wife all he knows."

"I'm not a real movie star. I've still got the same wife I started out with twenty-eight years ago."

"Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same."

"What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and he told me about the butcher and my wife."

"One day my wife went and saw the accountant and said she's pulling the plug. She said you guys are done. I said, how bad can it be? 10 grand? She said you're not even close. It came out to almost $50,000 in alcohol for two months."

"Although I had resigned my commission as an officer two years before, I immediately left Switzerland, accompanied by my wife, in order to report for duty. As it happened, a wire reached me a day later calling me to the colors."

"When I raced with Mercedes, I thought I'd learn German. But my wife didn't want to live in Germany."

"It's about a young man who has climbed to fame and he discovers that his writing and the relationship with his wife are really more important for him than anything else."

"He asked why and I said, 'Because Gwyneth has a fat suit, my wife has a fat suit - I don't get a fat suit?' He looked at me and said, 'You mean you don't have one on?'"

Explore more quotes by Rodney Dangerfield

"I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet."

"What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and he told me about the butcher and my wife."

"My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it."

"My wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to drive."

"At twenty a man is full of fight and hope. He wants to reform the world. When he is seventy he still wants to reform the world, but he know he can't."

"A girl phoned me the other day and said... 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home."

"I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out."

"Men who do things without being told draw the most wages."

"When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother."

"If it wasn't for pick-pockets I'd have no sex life at all."