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"My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met."
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"Never be unfaithful to a lover, except with your wife."
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Personal Development
"I'm not a real movie star. I've still got the same wife I started out with twenty-eight years ago."
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Personal Development
"If you would have a good wife, marry one who has been a good daughter."
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Personal Development
"He knows little, who will tell his wife all he knows."
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Personal Development
"I think it all comes down to relationships - how I treat my wife, how I treat my kids, how I treat the guys at the grocery store, all aspects of every day, what I'm involved in."
Author Name
Personal Development
"We can't thank Dave enough. He could call me if my wife was about to have a baby and tell me he needed tonight for his show and I'd find some way to get her to let me head to New York."
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Personal Development
"Although I had resigned my commission as an officer two years before, I immediately left Switzerland, accompanied by my wife, in order to report for duty. As it happened, a wire reached me a day later calling me to the colors."
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Personal Development
"My wife says that my tombstone will read, 'Here lies Mr.C, who used to be Mr.B.' So I think that's probably what I'll be remembered for."
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Personal Development
"I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back."
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Personal Development
"Take my wife... Please!"
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"I get no respect. The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest."
Luck
"I'm taking Viagra and drinking prune juice - I don't know if I'm coming or going."
Drink
"My cousins gay, he went to London only to find out that Big Ben was a clock."
Gay
"Yeah, I know I'm ugly... I said to a bartender, 'Make me a zombie.' He said 'God beat me to it.'"
Ugly
"My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was."
Wife
"I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet."
Being
"We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations - we're doing everything we can to keep our marriage together."
Marriage
"I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself."
Being
"My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it."
Wife
"On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me."
Kids
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