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"As you get older; you've probably noticed that you tend to forget things. You'll be talking with somebody at a party, and you'll know that you know this person, but no matter how hard you try, you can't remember his or her name. This can be very embarassing, especially if he or she turns out to be your spouse."
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"Age is always advancing and I'm fairly sure it's up to no good."
"With regard to things such as independence, mental capabilities, and sexuality, a very old man is nothing but a gigantic infant with white hair and wrinkles."
"Old age saves us from the realization of a great many fears."
"Granny Weatherwax had a primal snore. It had never been tamed. No one had ever had to sleep next to it, to curb its wilder excesses by means of a kick, a prod in the small of the back, or a pillow used as a bludgeon. It had had years in a lonely bedroom to perfect the knark, the graaah, and the gnoc, gnoc, gnoc unimpeded by the nudges, jabs, and occasional attempts at murder that usually moderate the snore impulse over time."
"If you manage to live long enough, most of your greatest fears become fond memories to look back on."
"I've been playing the game of life for over 52 years now and I don't feel one day younger or older than I am. Maybe its I just don't feel."
"In the second half of life, people have less power to infatuate you. But they also have much less power to control you or hurt you."
"Youth is gone -- gone -- and will never come back: can't help it."
"Getting older comes with abilities. Being old comes with disabilities."
"One's doing well if age improves even slightly one's capacity to hold on to that vital truism: "This too shall pass."
Explore more quotes by Dave Barry
"If God had wanted us to be concerned for the plight of the toads, he would have made them cute and furry."
"Don't you wish you had a job like mine? All you have to do is think up a certain number of words! Plus, you can repeat words! And they don't even have to be true!"
"We operate under a jury system in this country, and as much as we complain about it, we have to admit that we know of no better system, except possibly flipping a coin."
"American consumers have no problem with carcinogens, but they will not purchase any product, including floor wax, that has fat in it."
"The problem with writing about religion is that you run the risk of offending sincerely religious people, and then they come after you with machetes."
"Newspaper readership is declining like crazy. In fact, there's a good chance that nobody is reading my column."
"And so by the fifteenth century, on October 8, the Europeans were looking for a new place to try to get to, and they came up with a new concept: the West."
"If you were to open up a baby's head - and I am not for a moment suggesting that you should - you would find nothing but an enormous drool gland."
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