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"So he said 'I'm going to chop off the bottom of one of your trouser legs and put it in a library.' I thought 'That's a turn-up for the books.'"
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"A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'"
Blind
"Last night I dreamt I ate a ten pound marshmallow. When I woke up the pillow was gone."
Night
"So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'"
Building
"I used to be indecisive but now I am not quite sure."
Now
"You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.'"
Driving
"A woman tells her doctor, 'I've got a bad back.' The doctor says, 'It's old age.' The woman says, 'I want a second opinion.' The doctor says: 'Okay - you're ugly as well.'"
Age
"So he said 'I'm going to chop off the bottom of one of your trouser legs and put it in a library.' I thought 'That's a turn-up for the books.'"
Thought
"Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off."
Drink
"So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me 'Can you give me a lift?' I said 'Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it.'"
Car
"I went into a French restaraunt and asked the waiter, 'Have you got frog's legs?' He said, 'Yes,' so I said, 'Well hop into the kitchen and get me a cheese sandwich.'"
Kitchen
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"When you take action-think.When you fail-think.When you are in doubt-think.When you have lost your way-think.You are nothing but your thoughts."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Wherever your thoughts and beliefs can take you, you can go there."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Give thy thoughts no tongue."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Heresy is another word for freedom of thought."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Each "way of thinking" has its own shape and color, which wax and wane like the moon."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Eternity eludes us, even as a thought."
Author Name
Personal Development
"The only way to make a great thought great is to share it."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Language is the dress of thought."
Author Name
Personal Development
"How can the thoughts be stopped? Tell the thoughts, 'You take care of your own issues; I am not on your side.' That way you will sit on God's side."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Of course, in our train of thought, we would all like to think we're on the right track, or at least the same railroad company as the right track."
Author Name
Personal Development
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