"Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing."

Humor, Tradition, Change, Leisure

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"Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing."

Exlpore more Humor quotes

"Is she special? (asks the gay waiter)' I thinks she's going to break my heart' On arrival of the girl' The flannel is fine honey,but I have'nt seen anyone that over accesorized since batman!"

Christopher Moore, American Novelist

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"Modern kitchen - where the pot calls the kettle chartreuse."

Anonymous, Unknown Unknown

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"I love poking fun at myself. I have a rather mean sense of humor."

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"So I am death' Charlie said then turned to his daughter while buttering his toast.'This is death toast sweety."

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Humor, Death, Truth, Emotion

"Whistler,' Manet called. 'How's your mother?"

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"But to remain historically accurate, I would have had to leave out an important question that I felt needed to be addressed, which is, 'What if Jesus had known kung fu?"

Christopher Moore, American Novelist

Humor, History, Creativity, Imagination

"No matter where he went in the City, there was an odoriferous mix of food and vehicles, like the alchemic concoctions of some mad gourmet mechanic: Kung Pao Saab Turbo, Buick Skylark Carbonara, Sweet-and-Sour Metro Bus, Honda Bolognese with Burning Clutch Sauce."

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"Baz arched an elegant brow. "Are you going to snog the Humdrum-is that your plan? Because he's eleven. And he looks just like you. That's both vain and deviant, Snow, even for you."

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"He smiles, and he's made of trouble. We should have dropped him in the Thames in a bag of stones. We should have left him out for the fairies."

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Explore more quotes by Dave Barry

"Maybe somebody finally shot the dog."

Sadness

"We'll try to cooperate fully with the IRS, because, as citizens, we feel a strong patriotic duty not to go to jail."

Duty

"Miami drivers will attempt to pass you inside a car wash."

Driving

"I love the Olympics, because they enable people from all over the world to come together and--regardless of their political or cultural differences--accuse each other of cheating."

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"Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night."

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"The four building blocks of the universe are fire, water, gravel and vinyl."

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"The best baby-sitters, of course, are the baby's grandparents. You feel completely comfortable entrusting your baby to them for long periods, which is why most grandparents flee to Florida."

Grandparents

"Gravity is a contributing factor in nearly 73 percent of all accidents involving falling objects."

Statistics

"It is a well-documented fact that guys will not ask for directions. This is a biological thing. This is why it takes several million sperm cells... to locate a female egg, despite the fact that the egg is, relative to them, the size of Wisconsin."

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"Thanks to my solid academic training, today I can write hundreds of words on virtually any topic without possessing a shred of information, which is how I got a good job in journalism."

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