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"Fool me once, shame on youfool me twice, shame on mefool me thrice, I'm gonna get the frying pan!"
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Personal Development

"As a comedian, the more you commit the sin of stupidity, three essential things happen to your life:~people applaud you incessantly.~love you more than their parents.~give you a daily bread."
Author Name
Personal Development

"My religion consists of laughing at myself. My motto is this: As long as there is a me, there is a reason to laugh out loud!"
Author Name
Personal Development

"Well, that depends, I suppose. I heard someone once say that men dance the same way they have sex. So, if you want everyone here to think you're the kind of guy who just sits around and-" He stood up. "Let's dance."
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Personal Development

"Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual."
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Personal Development

"I was my own boss, but that all changed the day I got married."
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Personal Development

"Could you hold the chainsaw a bit closer to your mouth, please?"
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Personal Development

"Unless you stop him. Perhaps next we meet.""You'll be just as annoying?" I guessed.He fixed my with those warm brown eyes. "Or perhaps you could bring me up to speed on those modern courtship rituals."I sat there stunned until he gave me a glimpse of a smile-just enough to let me know he was teasing. Then he disappeared."Oh, very funny!" I yelled."
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Personal Development

"Don't ask for a girl's hand in marriage and forget to ask for her leg too."
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Personal Development

"Papa, potatoes, poultry, prunes and prism, are all very good words for the lips."
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Personal Development
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"It is difficult for a man laden with riches to climb the steep path, that leads to bliss."
Spiritual


"Whoever has My commandments and keeps them loves Me. And he who loves Me will be loved by My Father, and I will love him and show Myself to him."
Spiritual


"None are so blind as those who will not see."
Truth


"Humility is not thinking less of myself, but thinking about myself less."
Humility


"A fair price for oil is whatever you can get plus ten to twenty per cent."
Business


"God tells us to burden him with whatever burdens us."
Spiritual


"Women who display themselves as sex objects do not represent women as a gender anymore than the chippendales or Ron Jeremy represent you. Women are not a homogenous group who all get together to decide how or who they will be."
Truth


"A wise man hears one word and understands two."
Wisdom


"Response to clapping: "Thank you for ovating.""
Humor


"I am not a man of words, not yesterday, not the day before, not from the first time You spoke to your servant. I am slow of speech and tongue."
Spiritual
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