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"I unfortunately don't speak French, but my wife is now fluent in English, which really reflects rather badly on me."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Talking to my wife, we stare at each other, saying, 'How is this happening? Why is this happening? Why now?' It's nothing I ever aspired to."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Never be unfaithful to a lover, except with your wife."
Author Name
Personal Development
"We had the boy's name picked out, but we didn't have a girl's. When he turned out to be a boy, we were so relieved. Literally, in the middle of contracting and pushing, and with my wife being drugged - out and half - lucid, we were still coming up with names."
Author Name
Personal Development
"My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it."
Author Name
Personal Development
"I am so glad my wife tolerates me. And we have three wonderful sons."
Author Name
Personal Development
"My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was."
Author Name
Personal Development
"I prefer the word 'homemaker' because 'housewife' always implies that there may be a wife someplace else."
Author Name
Personal Development
"What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and he told me about the butcher and my wife."
Author Name
Personal Development
"He was happily married - but his wife wasn't."
Author Name
Personal Development
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"Humor is something that thrives between man's aspirations and his limitations. There is more logic in humor than in anything else. Because, you see, humor is truth."
Humor
"Santa Claus has the right idea - visit people only once a year."
People
"I don't mind going back to daylight saving time. With inflation, the hour will be the only thing I've saved all year."
Time
"Laughter is the closest distance between two people."
People
"If I have caused just one person to wipe away a tear of laughter, that's my reward."
Laughter
"I wish to thank my parents for making it all possible... and I wish to thank my children for making it necessary."
Children
"My father invented a cure for which there was no disease and unfortunately my mother caught it and died of it."
Mother
"The difference between a violin and a viola is that a viola burns longer."
Difference
"When an opera star sings her head off, she usually improves her appearance."
Appearance
"He was happily married - but his wife wasn't."
Wife
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