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"When someone is impatient and says, "I haven't got all day," I always wonder, How can that be? How can you not have all day?"
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"So let's be honest with ourselves and not take ourselves too serious, and never condemn the other fellow for doing what we are doing every day, only in a different way."
Day,
"I read about eight newspapers in a day. When I'm in a town with only one newspaper, I read it eight times."
"At the close of the day when the hamlet is still, and mortals the sweets of forgetfulness prove, when naught but the torrent is heard on the hill, and naught but the nightingale's song in the grove."
"We changed every lead in our whole system, and to this day we still don't really know why it did it. We think wires were touching and faulting. That was it really, but it didn't make it any easier."
Day,
"I had to go to Europe to tour and he died on the second day of the tour."
Explore more quotes by George Carlin
"He - and if there is a God, I am convinced he is a he, because no woman could or would ever fuck things up this badly."
"As it stands right now, I lead Richard Pryor in heart attacks, two to one. However, Richard still leads me, one to nothing, in burning yourself up."
"I'm not concerned about all hell breaking loose, but that a PART of hell will break loose... it'll be much harder to detect."
"At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom."
"People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don't care what people think."
"The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done."
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