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Erma Bombeck

"Did you ever notice that the first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone?"

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"Did you ever notice that the first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone?"

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Donna Grant

"The bowl is warmer than the soup."

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"No writer has an imaginative power richer than what the streets offer."

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"As far as she could see, children mostly argued, shouted, ran around very fast, laughed loudly, picked their noses, got dirty and sulked."

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"He reads much;He is a great observer and he looksQuite through the deeds of men: he loves no plays,As thou dost, Antony; he hears no music;Seldom he smiles, and smiles in such a sortAs if he mock'd himself and scorn'd his spiritThat could be moved to smile at any thing.Such men as he be never at heart's easeWhiles they behold a greater than themselves,And therefore are they very dangerous."

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Donna Grant

"Society in its boundless ignorance ridicules the caterpillar but praises the butterfly."

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Donna Grant

"Dickens writes that one of his characters, "listened to everything without seeming to, which showed he understood his business."

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"Take a perfect day add six hours of rain and fog and you have instant London."

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Donna Grant

"I frequently observe that one pretty face would be followed by five and thirty frights."

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Donna Grant

"Their faces were as a rule good-natured rather than beautiful."

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"Don't confuse fame with success. Madonna is one; Helen Keller is the other."
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"A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend - and he's a priest."
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"A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat."
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"When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything you gave me'."
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"I was too old for a paper route, too young for Social Security and too tired for an affair."
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"How come anything you buy will go on sale next week?"
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"My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car."
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"Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth."
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"Car designers are just going to have to come up with an automobile that outlasts the payments."
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Erma Bombeck
"Never go to your high school reunion pregnant or they will think that is all you have done since you graduated."
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